My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times. Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it?
Sex Advice
Posted inArts & Entertainment
Feminist porn is for everyone
Tired of all the faked orgasms, bleached buttholes and forced blow jobs of mainstream porn? Maybe you can’t get enough, but feel guilty supporting creators with dubious ethics. Are you female, male or nonbinary? Then feminist pornography is for you! Our reasons for searching out porn are varied: We might watch it to get off, […]
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: What are some good songs for the bedroom?
Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: A fake Tinder profile got me a real catch (maybe)
A few days ago, I made a joke Tinder account with friends, with a fake age, job, etc., but all the pictures were my own. Turns out, I really hit it off with a guy and he was still interested after I told him my real information. The thing is, he’s 23 and I’m 17. Is there any hope for a relationship?
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My marriage is straight out of the ’50s
I am getting tired, frustrated and increasingly disappointed by how little my husband does compared to how much I do to keep our household functioning. As much as I love the man (and I really do), the next time I come up the stairs (which really need to be swept) with a full basket of laundry to find him napping or playing video games, I’m going to fucking lose it.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Is she just not that into me?
I met this girl and she’s amazing. I wasn’t sure if she was into me, but we slept together. Thing is, she has a lot of friends and suitors and I don’t know if I make the cut. I don’t have the money to take her out and I felt bad when she paid last time. Now I’m thinking I have lost her because the only time we communicate is when I text her and she seems like she’s being nice.
Posted inCommunity/News
Picking up where ‘the talk’ left off
Sexual curiosity is normal. What isnt normal, and what some have been socialized to believe, is that sexuality, even as children, is something to be secretive or ashamed of being curious about.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Am I too freaky?
I had a terrible experience recently and I don’t know what to think. I had a second date with a guy. He invited me to his apartment and cooked me dinner. It was delish, and we were having a fun, playful evening. After eating and a couple glasses of wine, we started making out on the couch.
Posted inCommunity/News
Let’s talk sex with Natalie Benway, sex therapist pursuing licensure
Natalie Benway, a therapist at Seva Healing Center in Coralville, incorporates sex therapy into her practice and is currently pursuing licensure through the American Association of Sex Educators, joining only one other licensed practitioner in the state of Iowa.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I have to work next to my boyfriend’s crazy ex
I am a woman in my later 20s who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is my best friend; I couldn’t be happier with him! The issue does not lie with my boyfriend or our relationship, but with his ex-girlfriend.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I’m getting the cold shoulder from the woman of my dreams
I’m a little blown away by how emotionally and physically intimate we had been for it to suddenly turn so cordial/superficial, literally overnight, without any major incident (besides her move) to provoke the change.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My girlfriend is so loud the neighbors are starting to retaliate
We have a thin-walled apartment, and while I try to be a considerate neighbor, she just lets it rip every time we get busy. The neighbors are starting to retaliate with drums and the Ramones, and we got our window egged one night.
