Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.
Dear Kiki,
A few days ago, I made a joke Tinder account with friends, with a fake age, job, etc., but all the pictures were my own. Turns out, I really hit it off with a guy and he was still interested after I told him my real information. The thing is, he’s 23 and I’m 17. Is there any hope for a relationship?
Sincerely,
Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
Well. Hmmm. There are a few ways to answer your question. First, I’m going to assume you’re a girl (not that the advice wouldn’t hold for a teen boy, but for the sake of personal experience, I’m addressing this like you are me). At 17, I would have thought it was not a big deal to date a guy six years older, but I would also have had high standards. I graduated high school at 17, and then I moved away from home and started college. A boyfriend was not going to stop me from reaching my goals, so I hope you consider what you want for your future. If you truly have similar interests and expectations, the relationship could be fulfilling.
As a mother of a 17-year-old daughter, however, I would not condone it. When I was young, I watched many of my friends graduate high school, start dating someone older, and before you knew it they were pregnant and getting married. If my daughter thought she should forgo an education and spend her first formative years of young adult freedom getting tied down in an adult relationship, I’d strongly advise against this path, no matter how hot the chemistry probably is.
But, hey girl, if this is a “summer fling” type of thing, I’d give it a chance.
–Xoxo, Kiki
