Sex Advice Archives | Little Village

The issue of accountability

Posted on Oct 17, 2018 by Natalie Benway

From the election of Donald Trump to the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to a seat on the Supreme Court, I and other assault survivors have been deeply triggered and overwhelmed by recent and ongoing national rhetoric. Kavanaugh’s angry denial of all impropriety — except the occasional overuse of beer — was perhaps the most disheartening aspect of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the allegations against him, during which his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, recalling her assault decades ago, was dignified and credible.
[…]

Dear Kiki: My boyfriend has been extremely protective since I was attacked

Posted on Oct 4, 2018 by Dear Kiki

I am a very independent, beautiful lady of 23, a teacher with a wonderful boyfriend, “Bill.” We occasionally discuss marriage but my independence is important to me. Bill is understanding and supportive, and we are both young so there is no rush. I have my own home and am quite happy with my life. Things got complicated a couple of weeks ago. I came home from work at 3 p.m. and was accosted by two young men burglarizing my house. They were obviously waiting for me because they had brought cords, duct tape and demanded my bank cards. I was not in a position to run, they bound me, taped my mouth and left me face down on the kitchen floor tightly hogtied. […]

Sex talk: What even the most vanilla among us can learn from the BDSM community

Posted on Sep 19, 2018 by Natalie Benway

Americans carry a lot of anxiety about having an exciting sex life. This anxiety inspires Cosmopolitan, Redbook and the like to publish a steady stream of articles flouting “100 ways to spice up your sex life!” and “The top six ways to add more color to vanilla sex!” Shame about having “boring” sex is used to sell magazines as well as drive sales of sex toys, fluffy pink handcuffs and sexy nurse costumes, bought in half-hearted attempts to “spice things up.” […]

Dear Kiki: I have feelings for a man more than twice my age

Posted on Sep 6, 2018 by Dear Kiki

I am a female in my early twenties, and although I’m not interested in a serious, long-term relationship at this point in my life, I do enjoy dating and meeting new people. Up to this point, I’ve only dated men within my age range, but I often find myself attracted to men who are older. A while ago, I developed an intense crush on a (single and childless) man who is more than twice my age, and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it isn’t going away. […]

Dear Kiki: Do I need to tell the guy I’m seeing that he was my first time?

Posted on Sep 6, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online. […]

Stop asking people when they are going to get married

Posted on Aug 15, 2018 by Natalie Benway

“So, when are you going to get married?” Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single, you’ve likely fielded this question. It’s a big question, sometimes softened with a playful nudge or wink, but can be less than fun to answer, and not just for the proverbial bachelor afraid of commitment. The underlying assumption is […]

Dear Kiki: I’m having an affair with my daughter’s friend — and I’m not ashamed of it

Posted on Aug 1, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Throughout witnessing a series of traumatic events happen to my daughter over the course of a very difficult year, I’ve developed strong attachment to and connection with an eighteen year old friend of hers. I’m thirty-five and in a relationship with the father of my younger children. This young man and I have been having an incredibly mutually amenable, emotional, creatively inspiring and sexual affair for the past few months and are both developing real feelings for one another. […]

Dear Kiki: I recently left my abuser. Is it safe to use Tinder?

Posted on Jul 2, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Dear Kiki: My boyfriend is bothered by my bisexuality

Posted on Jun 7, 2018 by Dear Kiki

My boyfriend is wonderful and feminist and sex positive, but he has issues with me being bisexual. It’s not that he’s openly raged at me or anything. It’s just that whenever it happens to come up, you can see the micro-flicker of discomfort on his face that he’s trying to suppress. I know it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of your partner having a past, but he feels especially threatened by the idea of me checking out a girl over a guy (when I actually don’t check out anyone; I’m too in love with him to really notice anyone else in that way). […]

Dear Kiki: Will BDSM aggravate my mental health issues?

Posted on Jun 7, 2018 by Dear Kiki

My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times. Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it? […]

Feminist porn is for everyone

Posted on May 16, 2018 by Natalie Benway

Tired of all the faked orgasms, bleached buttholes and forced blow jobs of mainstream porn? Maybe you can’t get enough, but feel guilty supporting creators with dubious ethics. Are you female, male or nonbinary? Then feminist pornography is for you! Our reasons for searching out porn are varied: We might watch it to get off, […]

Dear Kiki: What are some good songs for the bedroom?

Posted on May 3, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes. […]

Browse latest Issues