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‘Not tonight, dear’: Reconciling discrepancies in desire

Glenn wants sex every day; Joe wants sex once a week. Heidi wants sex twice a week, while Robert wants it twice a month. Angela wants sex once a year, Paige wants to have sex — never? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to match with a person or persons with the same sexual appetite as you, but odds are your moods and cravings won’t always line up.
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Mortifying sex moments (and how to survive them)

One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context. […]

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Dear Kiki: I feel betrayed by my husband, and I can’t let it go

A year ago, my husband engaged in frequent and very personal Whatsapp chats with a woman he met in a hobby group. They met first with some other friends in the group. After that, they worked on a project together. This project brought them closer to each other. My husband often spent hours chatting with her, even wee and […]

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The joy and pain of longing

Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.” […]

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‘Sex Education’ and you

My new favorite show is Sex Education on Netflix. The series follows the insanely adorable and awkward Otis, who teams up with his brilliant, badass classmate Maeve to start a super secret sex therapy clinic. Otis uses knowledge picked up from his mother’s sex therapy business to guide his classmates through their sexual insecurities and quandaries.

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Dear Kiki: My ex still holds a piece of my heart

About a decade ago I fell very hard for someone, but circumstances kept us apart. We’ve both been able to move on and live our best lives and love the people we’re actually with since our really difficult split up. We haven’t spoken to or seen more than a glimpse of each other for years. But God, it’s still there in my heart. It’s always there. […]

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Let’s talk about multiple orgasms

“Don’t hold back. Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you were capable of.” —Annie Sprinkle There’s nothing like the giddy excitement of discussing good sex with a group of girlfriends. In a recent conversation, the topic of […]

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The issue of accountability

From the election of Donald Trump to the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to a seat on the Supreme Court, I and other assault survivors have been deeply triggered and overwhelmed by recent and ongoing national rhetoric. Kavanaugh’s angry denial of all impropriety — except the occasional overuse of beer — was perhaps the most disheartening aspect of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the allegations against him, during which his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, recalling her assault decades ago, was dignified and credible.
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