Advertisement

Dear Kiki: Will BDSM aggravate my mental health issues?


Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Illustration by Jav Ducker

Dear Kiki,

My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times.

Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it? It’s not a topic I’m comfortable discussing with my doctor or therapist.

Thanks,
J

Dear J,

I am sorry about and empathize with your recent mental health struggles and masochistic tendencies, but it is important to separate BDSM from mental illness. Your marriage sounds strong and sexually healthy, which are important while experimenting with each other. She will not want to be manipulative nor tortuous in trying this switch with you, so that your play can hurt so good and be a cathartic experience.

Since you aren’t ready to discuss your concerns with your doc or therapist, I would suggest doing some reading and preparing about how to submit enthusiastically — here’s a link to a collection of articles.

Your wife might really enjoy being the dominant one to see you “Bleed Like Me” (an apropos Garbage song). This change could really liven up the relationship and bring new insights. It might even pull you out of your funk.

–Xoxo, Kiki

This article was originally published in Little Village issue 244.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Advertisement

A collaboration between The Englert Theatre and FilmScene

STRENGTHEN
GROW•EVOLVE

Help us build the greatest small city for the arts in America—right here in Iowa City. Learn more »

Donate Today

Strengthen • Grow • Evolve is a collaborative campaign led by two Iowa City-based arts nonprofits, The Englert Theatre and FilmScene that seeks a major reinvestment to strengthen the arts through modern and historic venues, innovative programming, and new models of collaboration.

For 18 years...

Little Village has been telling the truth and changing our little corner of the world.

If you can, help us head into the next 18 years even stronger with a one-time or monthly contribution of $18, or any amount you choose.

Advertisement

Scattergood Friends Middle School Meet & Greet

Come and visit us at the Iowa City Holiday Farmers Market and the Robert A. Lee Recreation Center on Saturday, November 16.

Learn More
Event Details

Iowa City Farmers Market
November 16
10 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Robert A. Lee Rec Center

Little Village
2019 Give Guide

Get to know some of the nonprofits helping to make the CRANDIC a better place to live.