I had a surprisingly sensual and pleasurable experience with a pencil once. I’ve worked with somatic sex educators for a number of years as a way to reclaim a more embodied and empowered relationship to pleasure. Reading Audre Lorde’s work in college helped me understand that the erotic isn’t just the stuff people do to […]
Natalie Benway
Posted inArts & Entertainment
How artist T.J. Dedeaux-Norris turns exploitation on its head
T.J. Dedeaux-Norris once dreamed of becoming a famous rapper. “I came to Art through my tumultuous experience of trying to ‘make it’ in Los Angeles as a vulnerable teenage girl on my own,” T.J. explains on their website. “I explored the roles of rapper, video hoe, certified audio engineer, certified massage therapist, phone sex operator, […]
Posted inCommunity/News
Stress and sex and sleepy hedgehogs
The anxiety that comes from living in the midst of a global pandemic is not exactly an aphrodisiac. For many of us, sex is the last thing on our minds. Others might find it an effective stress management tool, but struggle to feel safe with their partner(s) at a time when even Tinder has warned […]
Posted inCommunity/News
Seizing your pleasure — oh, and a beginner’s guide to anal play
Tasked with picking a fun and fluffy topic for my pre-Valentine’s Day column, I sat down to write around 1,200 words on anal sex — and found myself lacking in motivation. Musings on plugs and pegging were soon overshadowed by news about bushfires, plane crashes and impeachment trials. How am I supposed to write a fun-filled article about
Posted inCommunity/News
From the ‘naughtiness factor’ to a search for power, erotic fantasies follow a formula
Think back to the first time you felt sexy feelings. I’m pretty sure my first “tingly” thoughts involved watching David Bowie in Labyrinth, with his very impressive bulge. I also distinctly remember sneaking a peek at softcore porn on staticy channels like HBO or Cinemax late at night. (Think of the TV screen in Poltergeist, but instead of a swirly ghost
Posted inCommunity/News
Fight fatphobia — stop commenting on other people’s bodies
“When you’re overweight, your body becomes a matter of public record in many respects,” wrote Roxane Gay in her book Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body. “Your body is constantly and prominently on display. People project assumed narratives onto your body and are not at all interested in the truth of your body, whatever that truth might be.
Posted inCommunity/News
Shalisa Gladney of RVAP talks relationships, ‘consent culture’ and writing your own rules
I gave Shalisa Gladney a hug when she emerged from her office to greet me at the University of Iowa Women’s Resource and Action Center. During our conversation, much of which focused on relationships and consent, Gladney admitted she is not a hugger — I had neglected to check before going in for an embrace. But she
Posted inCommunity/News
‘Not tonight, dear’: Reconciling discrepancies in desire
Glenn wants sex every day; Joe wants sex once a week. Heidi wants sex twice a week, while Robert wants it twice a month. Angela wants sex once a year, Paige wants to have sex — never? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to match with a person or persons with the same sexual appetite as you, but odds are your moods and cravings won’t always line up.
Posted inCommunity/News
Mortifying sex moments (and how to survive them)
One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context.
Posted inCommunity/News
The joy and pain of longing
Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.”
Posted inCommunity/News
‘Sex Education’ and you
My new favorite show is Sex Education on Netflix. The series follows the insanely adorable and awkward Otis, who teams up with his brilliant, badass classmate Maeve to start a super secret sex therapy clinic. Otis uses knowledge picked up from his mother’s sex therapy business to guide his classmates through their sexual insecurities and quandaries.
Posted inCommunity/News
Let’s talk about multiple orgasms
“Don’t hold back. Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you were capable of.” —Annie Sprinkle There’s nothing like the giddy excitement of discussing good sex with a group of girlfriends. In a recent conversation, the topic of […]
