Advertisement

Dear Kiki: Is she just not that into me?


Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Illustration by Jav Ducker

Hey Kiki,

I met this girl and she’s amazing. I wasn’t sure if she was into me, but we slept together. Thing is, she has a lot of friends and suitors and I don’t know if I make the cut. I don’t have the money to take her out and I felt bad when she paid last time. Now I’m thinking I have lost her because the only time we communicate is when I text her and she seems like she’s being nice. The old school model says to swoop in and try to win the girl, but it’s 2018 — should I just let it go?

— Stuart Smalley

Dear Smalley,

As much as I don’t want to say this, it seems she’s just not that into you. Sorry. I completely understand how you must be feeling: falling for someone amazing, having sex, wanting to be with her, yet having feelings of inadequacy — not being cool enough, not having enough money, too much competition. Here’s the thing though, no matter what you bring or don’t bring to the table, if she really wanted to be with you, she’d be texting, calling and asking to see you. At least, that’s how I’ve behaved with men I’ve wanted, sometimes successfully.

But — more times than I’d like to admit — I’ve also tried way too hard with guys who don’t want me. I would suggest not persisting if she isn’t reciprocating, especially because this isn’t the old school days when if a little boy was bugging a little girl, it was because he liked her. Since you haven’t revealed your gender identity, I do not want to presume you are a man and discuss the sexual politics of Me Too, Time’s Up and the pervasive sexual harassment, assault, rape and countless experiences of heterosexual sex without her explicit consent that women have dealt with throughout history and still today. I am not implying you are harassing her or that it’s only men who harass women; however, it’s important to raise the question of flirting versus harassing.

Regardless though, no one likes to be rejected. I suggest that you lay low. By doing so, you’ll seem mysterious and probably get her attention, which means she’ll think about you. Then you might hear from her, and who knows? She could become your girlfriend, or a friend with benefits, or just a friend. Any of those are worthwhile if done well, and you are good enough.

Good luck!

— xoxo, Kiki

This article was originally published in Little Village issue 239.


Thoughts? Tips? A cute picture of a dog? Share them with LV » editor@littlevillagemag.com

Advertisement

Summer Programs 2020

Get 150+ local restaurants delivered to your door in the Iowa City & Cedar Rapids areas!

The Future is Unwritten

You look to Little Village for today’s stories. Your sustaining support will help us write tomorrow’s.

Regular

$10/mo or $120/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
The cost of doing this work really adds up! Your contribution at this level will cover telephone and internet expenses for one month at the LV editorial offices.

Italic

$20/mo or $240/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
$240 is enough to cover one month’s costs for sending out our weekly entertainment newsletter, The Weekender. Make a contribution at this level to put a little more oomph on your support and your weekend.

Bold

$30/mo or $360/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
LittleVillageMag.com connects eastern Iowa culture with the world. Your contribution at this level will cover the site’s hosting costs for three months. A bold move for our boldest supporters!

All monthly and annual contributors receive:

  • Recognition on our Supporters page (aliases welcome)
  • Exclusive early access when we release new half-price gift cards
  • Access to a secret Facebook group where you can connect with other supporters and discuss the latest news and upcoming events (and maybe swap pet pics?) with the LV staff
  • Invitations to periodic publisher chats (held virtually for now) to meet with Matt and give him a piece of your mind, ask your burning questions and hear more about the future plans for Little Village, Bread & Butter Magazine, Witching Hour Festival and our other endeavors.