Dear Kiki: I’m getting the cold shoulder from the woman of my dreams

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Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Dear Kiki

Dear Kiki,

I hit it off with a woman who I knew was moving out of the country. Our time together lasted only a few weeks. Though the time was short, we shared a really special connection and I’ve been left with memories that will stay with me forever.

The last night she was in town, I met her family and we all went out for dessert together. She gave me a really sweet kiss in the car as we said good night. We didn’t spend the night together, but in the morning I was the last person she saw before she left town for good. I gave her a handwritten card that expressed how happy I was that we met and that I wanted to keep in touch and keep getting to know her. She didn’t read the letter that morning, and I felt her energy was cold. We hugged, but didn’t kiss goodbye. Since then, her communication with me has been cordial and mostly superficial. I’m a little blown away by how emotionally and physically intimate we had been for it to suddenly turn so cordial/superficial, literally overnight, without any major incident (besides her move) to provoke the change.

What gives?

Lady Hearts Woman

Dear Lady Hearts Woman,

Ouch. I’m sure it stings to now be treated as a long-distance acquaintance after having a few lovely weeks with this woman. Drastic change in a person’s life, such as moving out of the country, might hinder her ability to maintain previous relationships. Also, her mindframe and behavior before leaving may have been “carpe diem,” and, unfortunately, you were only a part of her present.

It would be a shame if you took this slight personally. My hope is that you’re able to move forward without too much hurt or anger.

I prescribe lots of self-care — and wine.

— xoxo, Kiki

This article was originally published in Little Village issue 232.

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