Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.
Relationship Advice
Posted inOpinion
Stop asking people when they are going to get married
“So, when are you going to get married?” Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single, you’ve likely fielded this question. It’s a big question, sometimes softened with a playful nudge or wink, but can be less than fun to answer, and not just for the proverbial bachelor afraid of commitment. The underlying assumption is […]
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I’m having an affair with my daughter’s friend — and I’m not ashamed of it
Throughout witnessing a series of traumatic events happen to my daughter over the course of a very difficult year, I’ve developed strong attachment to and connection with an eighteen year old friend of hers. I’m thirty-five and in a relationship with the father of my younger children. This young man and I have been having an incredibly mutually amenable, emotional, creatively inspiring and sexual affair for the past few months and are both developing real feelings for one another.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I recently left my abuser. Is it safe to use Tinder?
Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online. Dear Kiki, I’d like to try dating again, specifically trying out Tinder. I recently […]
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My boyfriend is bothered by my bisexuality
My boyfriend is wonderful and feminist and sex positive, but he has issues with me being bisexual. It’s not that he’s openly raged at me or anything. It’s just that whenever it happens to come up, you can see the micro-flicker of discomfort on his face that he’s trying to suppress. I know it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of your partner having a past, but he feels especially threatened by the idea of me checking out a girl over a guy (when I actually don’t check out anyone; I’m too in love with him to really notice anyone else in that way).
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Will BDSM aggravate my mental health issues?
My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times. Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it?
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: What are some good songs for the bedroom?
Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: A fake Tinder profile got me a real catch (maybe)
A few days ago, I made a joke Tinder account with friends, with a fake age, job, etc., but all the pictures were my own. Turns out, I really hit it off with a guy and he was still interested after I told him my real information. The thing is, he’s 23 and I’m 17. Is there any hope for a relationship?
Posted inCommunity/News
Who are you not?
Are you brave enough to examine your expectations of love and explore who you are actually bringing to the relationships in your life? Are you willing to be vulnerable?
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My marriage is straight out of the ’50s
I am getting tired, frustrated and increasingly disappointed by how little my husband does compared to how much I do to keep our household functioning. As much as I love the man (and I really do), the next time I come up the stairs (which really need to be swept) with a full basket of laundry to find him napping or playing video games, I’m going to fucking lose it.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Is she just not that into me?
I met this girl and she’s amazing. I wasn’t sure if she was into me, but we slept together. Thing is, she has a lot of friends and suitors and I don’t know if I make the cut. I don’t have the money to take her out and I felt bad when she paid last time. Now I’m thinking I have lost her because the only time we communicate is when I text her and she seems like she’s being nice.
Posted inCommunity/News
Picking up where ‘the talk’ left off
Sexual curiosity is normal. What isnt normal, and what some have been socialized to believe, is that sexuality, even as children, is something to be secretive or ashamed of being curious about.
