I gave Shalisa Gladney a hug when she emerged from her office to greet me at the University of Iowa Women’s Resource and Action Center. During our conversation, much of which focused on relationships and consent, Gladney admitted she is not a hugger — I had neglected to check before going in for an embrace. But she
Relationship Advice
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Where can I find other BDSM enthusiasts in the Iowa City area?
“I’m a 65-year-old, semi-retired, BDSM-loving, cross-dressing, kinky, fetishy baby-boomer in decent condition. I’m not afraid to be beaten until I cry. I’m highly breast-envious. I’m just looking for someone to love and play with, but the women I’ve fallen for have never been into this stuff.”
Posted inCommunity/News
‘Not tonight, dear’: Reconciling discrepancies in desire
Glenn wants sex every day; Joe wants sex once a week. Heidi wants sex twice a week, while Robert wants it twice a month. Angela wants sex once a year, Paige wants to have sex — never? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to match with a person or persons with the same sexual appetite as you, but odds are your moods and cravings won’t always line up.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I want to go ‘there’ with my partner. How do I ask?
“Ah, that age-old dilemma! There are probably as many different answers to this question as there are people out there wondering it right now.”
Posted inCommunity/News
Mortifying sex moments (and how to survive them)
One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I feel betrayed by my husband, and I can’t let it go
A year ago, my husband engaged in frequent and very personal Whatsapp chats with a woman he met in a hobby group. They met first with some other friends in the group. After that, they worked on a project together. This project brought them closer to each other. My husband often spent hours chatting with her, even wee and
Posted inCommunity/News
The joy and pain of longing
Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.”
Posted inCommunity/News
Dear Kiki: My life is perfect. Except.
We are happy. We laugh and talk. We go on dates and vacations. We eat dinner as a family every evening and sleep in the same bed every night. We do projects and family activities and vision boards. And yet. I am lost. I love this man. I love our life. But I can’t reconcile this part of him.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My ex still holds a piece of my heart
About a decade ago I fell very hard for someone, but circumstances kept us apart. We’ve both been able to move on and live our best lives and love the people we’re actually with since our really difficult split up. We haven’t spoken to or seen more than a glimpse of each other for years. But God, it’s still there in my heart. It’s always there.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Should I take ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ off my holiday playlist?
A lot of people on social media are debating about the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” — whether it celebrates date rape or represents a coy, playful, mutual flirtation that would have been sorta feminist for the 1940s. Where do you fall on this issue?
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My dad walked in on me having sex. What do I do?!
My dad and I live in different states, so it’s not hard to avoid him, but Christmas is steadily approaching. How do I diffuse the awkward — an awkward so awkward it gives the word new meaning??
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My boyfriend has been extremely protective since I was attacked
I am a very independent, beautiful lady of 23, a teacher with a wonderful boyfriend, “Bill.” We occasionally discuss marriage but my independence is important to me. Bill is understanding and supportive, and we are both young so there is no rush. I have my own home and am quite happy with my life. Things got complicated a couple of weeks ago. I came home from work at 3 p.m. and was accosted by two young men burglarizing my house. They were obviously waiting for me because they had brought cords, duct tape and demanded my bank cards. I was not in a position to run, they bound me, taped my mouth and left me face down on the kitchen floor tightly hogtied.
