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‘Not tonight, dear’: Reconciling discrepancies in desire

Glenn wants sex every day; Joe wants sex once a week. Heidi wants sex twice a week, while Robert wants it twice a month. Angela wants sex once a year, Paige wants to have sex — never? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to match with a person or persons with the same sexual appetite as you, but odds are your moods and cravings won’t always line up.
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Mortifying sex moments (and how to survive them)

One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context. […]

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Dear Kiki: I feel betrayed by my husband, and I can’t let it go

A year ago, my husband engaged in frequent and very personal Whatsapp chats with a woman he met in a hobby group. They met first with some other friends in the group. After that, they worked on a project together. This project brought them closer to each other. My husband often spent hours chatting with her, even wee and […]

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The joy and pain of longing

Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.” […]

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Dear Kiki: My ex still holds a piece of my heart

About a decade ago I fell very hard for someone, but circumstances kept us apart. We’ve both been able to move on and live our best lives and love the people we’re actually with since our really difficult split up. We haven’t spoken to or seen more than a glimpse of each other for years. But God, it’s still there in my heart. It’s always there. […]

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Dear Kiki: My boyfriend has been extremely protective since I was attacked

I am a very independent, beautiful lady of 23, a teacher with a wonderful boyfriend, “Bill.” We occasionally discuss marriage but my independence is important to me. Bill is understanding and supportive, and we are both young so there is no rush. I have my own home and am quite happy with my life. Things got complicated a couple of weeks ago. I came home from work at 3 p.m. and was accosted by two young men burglarizing my house. They were obviously waiting for me because they had brought cords, duct tape and demanded my bank cards. I was not in a position to run, they bound me, taped my mouth and left me face down on the kitchen floor tightly hogtied. […]

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Sex talk: What even the most vanilla among us can learn from the BDSM community

Americans carry a lot of anxiety about having an exciting sex life. This anxiety inspires Cosmopolitan, Redbook and the like to publish a steady stream of articles flouting “100 ways to spice up your sex life!” and “The top six ways to add more color to vanilla sex!” Shame about having “boring” sex is used to sell magazines as well as drive sales of sex toys, fluffy pink handcuffs and sexy nurse costumes, bought in half-hearted attempts to “spice things up.” […]

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Dear Kiki: I have feelings for a man more than twice my age

I am a female in my early twenties, and although I’m not interested in a serious, long-term relationship at this point in my life, I do enjoy dating and meeting new people. Up to this point, I’ve only dated men within my age range, but I often find myself attracted to men who are older. A while ago, I developed an intense crush on a (single and childless) man who is more than twice my age, and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it isn’t going away. […]

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