Relationship Advice Archives

Sex talk: What even the most vanilla among us can learn from the BDSM community

Posted on Sep 19, 2018 by Natalie Benway

Americans carry a lot of anxiety about having an exciting sex life. This anxiety inspires Cosmopolitan, Redbook and the like to publish a steady stream of articles flouting “100 ways to spice up your sex life!” and “The top six ways to add more color to vanilla sex!” Shame about having “boring” sex is used to sell magazines as well as drive sales of sex toys, fluffy pink handcuffs and sexy nurse costumes, bought in half-hearted attempts to “spice things up.” […]

Dear Kiki: I have feelings for a man more than twice my age

Posted on Sep 6, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online. […]

Dear Kiki: Do I need to tell the guy I’m seeing that he was my first time?

Posted on Sep 6, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Stop asking people when they are going to get married

Posted on Aug 15, 2018 by Natalie Benway

“So, when are you going to get married?” Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single, you’ve likely fielded this question. It’s a big question, sometimes softened with a playful nudge or wink, but can be less than fun to answer, and not just for the proverbial bachelor afraid of commitment. The underlying assumption is […]

Dear Kiki: I’m having an affair with my daughter’s friend — and I’m not ashamed of it

Posted on Aug 1, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Throughout witnessing a series of traumatic events happen to my daughter over the course of a very difficult year, I’ve developed strong attachment to and connection with an eighteen year old friend of hers. I’m thirty-five and in a relationship with the father of my younger children. This young man and I have been having an incredibly mutually amenable, emotional, creatively inspiring and sexual affair for the past few months and are both developing real feelings for one another. […]

Dear Kiki: I recently left my abuser. Is it safe to use Tinder?

Posted on Jul 2, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Dear Kiki: My boyfriend is bothered by my bisexuality

Posted on Jun 7, 2018 by Dear Kiki

My boyfriend is wonderful and feminist and sex positive, but he has issues with me being bisexual. It’s not that he’s openly raged at me or anything. It’s just that whenever it happens to come up, you can see the micro-flicker of discomfort on his face that he’s trying to suppress. I know it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of your partner having a past, but he feels especially threatened by the idea of me checking out a girl over a guy (when I actually don’t check out anyone; I’m too in love with him to really notice anyone else in that way). […]

Dear Kiki: Will BDSM aggravate my mental health issues?

Posted on Jun 7, 2018 by Dear Kiki

My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times. Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it? […]

Dear Kiki: What are some good songs for the bedroom?

Posted on May 3, 2018 by Dear Kiki

Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes. […]

Dear Kiki: A fake Tinder profile got me a real catch (maybe)

Posted on May 3, 2018 by Dear Kiki

A few days ago, I made a joke Tinder account with friends, with a fake age, job, etc., but all the pictures were my own. Turns out, I really hit it off with a guy and he was still interested after I told him my real information. The thing is, he’s 23 and I’m 17. Is there any hope for a relationship? […]

Who are you not?

Posted on Apr 17, 2018 by Natalie Benway

Are you brave enough to examine your expectations of love and explore who you are actually bringing to the relationships in your life? Are you willing to be vulnerable? […]

Dear Kiki: My marriage is straight out of the ’50s

Posted on Mar 20, 2018 by Dear Kiki

I am getting tired, frustrated and increasingly disappointed by how little my husband does compared to how much I do to keep our household functioning. As much as I love the man (and I really do), the next time I come up the stairs (which really need to be swept) with a full basket of laundry to find him napping or playing video games, I’m going to fucking lose it. […]