Dear Kiki: I have feelings for a man more than twice my age

Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Illustration by Jav Ducker

Dear Kiki,

I am a female in my early twenties, and although I’m not interested in a serious, long-term relationship at this point in my life, I do enjoy dating and meeting new people. Up to this point, I’ve only dated men within my age range, but I often find myself attracted to men who are older. A while ago, I developed an intense crush on a (single and childless) man who is more than twice my age, and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it isn’t going away. Our interactions are fun and flirtatious, so much so that I’m beginning to think my crush may not be entirely one-sided. Part of me wants to pursue these feelings. After all, we are both adults, and I find him more compelling and attractive than any man I’ve been on a date with in the past year. However, I am not naive, and recognize that we are in entirely different stages of our lives and the age gap would certainly raise eyebrows. What do I do? How old is too old?

–Minding the Gap

Dear Gap,

You’re both single adults, and you’re not looking for a life partner or a sugar daddy, so I’d say if the chemistry is there and the time is right—go for it! Granted, as a woman twice your age, it does irritate me when men my age date much younger women. Clearly, women his age are no longer as attractive. But I would not date a man who would date a woman in her early 20s (or late 20s or early 30s, for that matter), so your gain is not my loss. Lol. Men in their early 20s are rarely compelling, even if they are attractive. Have fun turning your crush into a lover. I advise not falling in love though—you’re still in your prime.

–Xoxo, Kiki

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