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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Surviving Darth Bannon, propagandism, Trump’s redecorating

Holy Cats! As many of you now know, I’ve spent the last several months as a guest of the Cuban government for reasons that are cloudy at best. Anyhoo, I’m back! I was alarmed to see my column was briefly commandeered by President Trump. (Wow — it’s even gross to type. It feels like eating […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: A glimpse of 2017

People! Folks: Let me tell you — I have to tell you this: This Wayne Diamante character, he’s a total FRAUD! It’s true. I believe it’s true. Turns out, he’s some kind of undocumented — was he Muslim? He was Mexican I think — anyway, some kind of undocumented Muslican sex weirdo, or something. So […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: On surviving public shaming

Dear Wayne, It seems like there have been quite a few public shamings in the news lately. How do these people bounce back when faced with crushing personal defeats on epic display? — Thanks, Joe Dear Joe, Our modern cultural history is lousy with people who simply refuse to go away. Why? I don’t know. […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: How to stay safe online

Dear Wayne, I think I may be the subject of an identity theft. My email and Facebook accounts have been hacked and strange charges are showing up on my credit card. What do I do? Help! — Claire Dear Claire, If your identity has been stolen, the best thing to do is go underground. Change […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Embrace the summertime adventures

Welcome to your Fun in the Sun edition of Pro Tips, with me, Wayne Diamante! Summer is in full swing, and that means it’s time again for cookouts, park and backyard gatherings, summer camps and keepin’ cool at the swimmin’ pool. We here at Pro Tips have you covered with the information and sauces you’ll […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Pompous circumstance

(Graduation March plays; assembly stands; Wayne mounts the podium and, after a pause, indicates that everyone remain standing) Greetings, class of 2016. I have a number of these keynote thingydingys to deliver today, so you’ll have to excuse the parsimonious nature of my remarks. Note, however, that their brevity should in no way indicate a […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Guided by the Donald

Howdy there, Pro Tippers! Springtime is here and for many people that means it’s time to shed some of that winter weight and buff up for swimsuit season. Sadly, each year dozens of Americans have trouble staying on target with their exercise goals and maintaining unrealistic or unhealthy diets. Friends, I’m not afraid to tell […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Where to camp and what to wear at the 2016 Mission Creek Festival

Dear Wayne, I’ll be attending the Mission Creek Festival this year and I’m wondering if you can provide me with some tips for finding reasonably priced accommodation near downtown. Thanks, Bernice Bernice, Tip #1: You should have taken care of this a long time ago. Tip #2: You need to get your act together. Look, […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Your Mission Creek survival guide

If you’re reading this, then you’ve survived the Ides; welcome to your Pro Tips for March 2016! This is the first installment in a series focused on tips for ensuring you get the most out of Mission Creek this year. As any seasoned festival goer knows, long days, rough nights and poor culinary choices can […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: 2016 predictions

In the cold isolation of the 21st century, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride roughshod over the ashes of civilization delivering endless war, famine and whatever the other two guys bring to the party. Mere existence hinges on locking away the last shreds of your humanity deep within your psyche, slaking your thirst for […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Surviving Thanksgiving

Welcome to your Thanksgiving edition of Pro Tips! It’s time to unbuckle the belt another notch and belly-up to a steaming pile of cran-something, crispy gizzards and don’t forget auntie so-and-so’s world-famous marshmallow infused jello-blunder. But never fear, dear friends, because this year I’ve got your back. Just download my new app called “You’ll have […]

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Pro Tips with Wayne Diamante: Halloween is serious business

Muahaha! Welcome to your Pro Tips from beyond the grave! I hope you’re ready for a bootiful All Hallows’ Eve, my pretties. This month’s Pro Tips is focused on questions and tips for ensuring you’ll have a spooktacular Halloween. And don’t forget, hit me up at askwaynediamante@gmail.com if you need advice on the skeletons in […]

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