Dear Kiki

I am a very independent, beautiful lady of 23, a teacher with a wonderful boyfriend, “Bill.” We occasionally discuss marriage but my independence is important to me. Bill is understanding and supportive, and we are both young so there is no rush. I have my own home and am quite happy with my life. Things got complicated a couple of weeks ago. I came home from work at 3 p.m. and was accosted by two young men burglarizing my house. They were obviously waiting for me because they had brought cords, duct tape and demanded my bank cards. I was not in a position to run, they bound me, taped my mouth and left me face down on the kitchen floor tightly hogtied. […]

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I am a female in my early twenties, and although I’m not interested in a serious, long-term relationship at this point in my life, I do enjoy dating and meeting new people. Up to this point, I’ve only dated men within my age range, but I often find myself attracted to men who are older. A while ago, I developed an intense crush on a (single and childless) man who is more than twice my age, and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it isn’t going away. […]

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Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online. […]

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Throughout witnessing a series of traumatic events happen to my daughter over the course of a very difficult year, I’ve developed strong attachment to and connection with an eighteen year old friend of hers. I’m thirty-five and in a relationship with the father of my younger children. This young man and I have been having an incredibly mutually amenable, emotional, creatively inspiring and sexual affair for the past few months and are both developing real feelings for one another. […]

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My boyfriend is wonderful and feminist and sex positive, but he has issues with me being bisexual. It’s not that he’s openly raged at me or anything. It’s just that whenever it happens to come up, you can see the micro-flicker of discomfort on his face that he’s trying to suppress. I know it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of your partner having a past, but he feels especially threatened by the idea of me checking out a girl over a guy (when I actually don’t check out anyone; I’m too in love with him to really notice anyone else in that way). […]

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My wife and I have regularly engaged in BDSM throughout our relationship. I’m mostly dominant, but we switch on very rare occasion, and it’s something I’d like to explore more. However, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year and have self-harmed several times. Is engaging in sex that could involve degrees of pain and humiliation a particularly bad idea considering my current mental health, even if we’re both enthusiastic about it? […]

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Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes. […]

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A few days ago, I made a joke Tinder account with friends, with a fake age, job, etc., but all the pictures were my own. Turns out, I really hit it off with a guy and he was still interested after I told him my real information. The thing is, he’s 23 and I’m 17. Is there any hope for a relationship? […]

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I met this girl and she’s amazing. I wasn’t sure if she was into me, but we slept together. Thing is, she has a lot of friends and suitors and I don’t know if I make the cut. I don’t have the money to take her out and I felt bad when she paid last time. Now I’m thinking I have lost her because the only time we communicate is when I text her and she seems like she’s being nice. […]

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I had a terrible experience recently and I don’t know what to think. I had a second date with a guy. He invited me to his apartment and cooked me dinner. It was delish, and we were having a fun, playful evening. After eating and a couple glasses of wine, we started making out on the couch. […]

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