Submit your question to Kiki, LV’s sex and relationship advice columnist. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Dear Kiki,

I’m attracted to a woman, but I’m not sure she has very good style and that does affect the way I feel about her. I want to talk to her about these choices that I don’t agree with, superficial as they are, because they actually affect my level of attraction to her and I want to deepen that attraction rather than lessen it. She of course has every right to pursue whatever style she chooses, and I know there’s a risk she could be deeply insulted by my approach to the topic. I wonder if you might just have some advice on that approach, because the way I see it, makeovers are as old as time and we’re all in line for a pointer here and there.

Thanks for your thoughts,

Materialistic Man

Dear Materialistic Man,

Real quick, no thinking, close your eyes and answer this question: Why are you attracted to this woman? Now, peel each of those things away, one at a time until you reach something you can’t remove. That is the only thing worth focusing on. Cultivate the core of what draws you to her. 

Makeovers may be as old as time, Materialistic — but time is still the master makeover artist. If you can’t learn how to love a body draped in hospital gowns instead of the latest styles, or intoxicatingly beautiful eyes clouded by glaucoma, or a keen mind ravaged by dementia, then please, stop wasting her time.

But I suspect you know all that already. And yes, Materialistic, we are living in a material world. So my two pieces of practical advice are this:

Offer, don’t ask. If you see a dress she’d look smashing in, buy it for her. While her finances are, obviously, none of your business, it’s important to remember that style isn’t always a choice.

Don’t try to change anything about her that you wouldn’t change about yourself for her. Be humble. Trying something new might help you learn something about her, or about yourself.

Oh, and you don’t mention this at all, so be sure to prepare your ego for the staggering possibility that she may not be remotely attracted to you. (Yes, she gets to keep the things you buy her.)

xoxo, Kiki


This article was originally published in Little Village’s March 2025 issue.