Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.
I’m in grad school at UIowa. In one of my classes, there is a really cute, quirky, smart guy. He’s young and I don’t know if he’s gay or not. I’m horrible at this kind of thing, but I want to ask him on a date. What should I do?
Well, well, well — guess where I met my (ex)husband? At the University of Iowa, but I almost didn’t get the nerve to make my move. As the semester went by, I longingly watched this beautiful young man with the bluest eyes in the world while he took notes in a large lecture hall. I tried to be nonchalantly noticed, but as it got closer to the end of the term, my roommates begged me to introduce myself or be banned from obsessing over him any longer. The perfect moment happened, we became a couple instantly, dated five years, were married for 13 and have two lovely kids. Although we divorced, we remain friends. Had I never said, “Hi,” while walking by him, I probably would’ve ended up marrying my high school boyfriend and ruining my life. Anyway, enough about me!
In your situation, sleuthing out whether or not he’s gay shouldn’t be too hard. Sit near enough and listen and watch. As an amateur and assuredly a non-threatening stalker myself, you could pick up on conversations he might be having and possibly have your own with him. Being a graduate student, you must be a smart guy yourself, and I’m going to assume a delightful personality. So summon the courage to chat with your young classmate. Go forth and be coy and curious. Once you know if he’s playing on your team, and the pitch is good: Swing, batter, batter; swing!
— xoxo, Kiki
This article was originally published in Little Village issue 229.