My husband and I are yellers, and I am sick of it. We love each other, and I think we’ve found a great match in each other in just about all ways. But then we fight about whatever the topic at hand might be (and probably about the same amount that most couples do), and it is SO loud that I’m embarrassed. He thinks that’s dumb — like, why do I
Love advice
Posted inCommunity/News
Fight fatphobia — stop commenting on other people’s bodies
“When you’re overweight, your body becomes a matter of public record in many respects,” wrote Roxane Gay in her book Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body. “Your body is constantly and prominently on display. People project assumed narratives onto your body and are not at all interested in the truth of your body, whatever that truth might be.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I think my friend’s husband is trying to start an affair
One of my best friends was recently married to a wonderful man who I think is a perfect fit for her. After the wedding he began reaching out to me via Facebook Messenger in order to — as I first assumed — get to know me better. However, the conversation on his end soon shifted from typical banter to topics that make me feel uncomfortable
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My children call my current relationship ‘disgusting.’ Are they right?
About a month ago I developed a sexual relationship with my significant other’s son. My children have now disowned me calling the relationship disgusting, a poor decision, and inappropriate. The way I see it, other than the age gap of 25 years, we are both single, both adults, we are not related. Do you think my children are correct in their perception of this relationship and if so, for what reasons?
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: Where can I find other BDSM enthusiasts in the Iowa City area?
“I’m a 65-year-old, semi-retired, BDSM-loving, cross-dressing, kinky, fetishy baby-boomer in decent condition. I’m not afraid to be beaten until I cry. I’m highly breast-envious. I’m just looking for someone to love and play with, but the women I’ve fallen for have never been into this stuff.”
Posted inCommunity/News
‘Not tonight, dear’: Reconciling discrepancies in desire
Glenn wants sex every day; Joe wants sex once a week. Heidi wants sex twice a week, while Robert wants it twice a month. Angela wants sex once a year, Paige wants to have sex — never? Perhaps you’re lucky enough to match with a person or persons with the same sexual appetite as you, but odds are your moods and cravings won’t always line up.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I want to go ‘there’ with my partner. How do I ask?
“Ah, that age-old dilemma! There are probably as many different answers to this question as there are people out there wondering it right now.”
Posted inCommunity/News
Mortifying sex moments (and how to survive them)
One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: I feel betrayed by my husband, and I can’t let it go
A year ago, my husband engaged in frequent and very personal Whatsapp chats with a woman he met in a hobby group. They met first with some other friends in the group. After that, they worked on a project together. This project brought them closer to each other. My husband often spent hours chatting with her, even wee and
Posted inCommunity/News
The joy and pain of longing
Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.”
Posted inCommunity/News
Dear Kiki: My life is perfect. Except.
We are happy. We laugh and talk. We go on dates and vacations. We eat dinner as a family every evening and sleep in the same bed every night. We do projects and family activities and vision boards. And yet. I am lost. I love this man. I love our life. But I can’t reconcile this part of him.
Posted inDear Kiki
Dear Kiki: My ex still holds a piece of my heart
About a decade ago I fell very hard for someone, but circumstances kept us apart. We’ve both been able to move on and live our best lives and love the people we’re actually with since our really difficult split up. We haven’t spoken to or seen more than a glimpse of each other for years. But God, it’s still there in my heart. It’s always there.
