I had a surprisingly sensual and pleasurable experience with a pencil once.
I’ve worked with somatic sex educators for a number of years as a way to reclaim a more embodied and empowered relationship to pleasure. Reading Audre Lorde’s work in college helped me understand that the erotic isn’t just the stuff people do to get off. There’s waaaaay more going on if we take the time to understand it.
In her essay The Erotic as Power, Lorde argues the erotic is a profound source of power, vitality and creativity that transcends sexual expression. The erotic is deeply connected to our emotions, desires and authentic power. It is a vital, intuitive force that can fuel personal and collective transformation when harnessed.
Lorde also challenges the patriarchal systems that suppress the erotic, encouraging people — especially women and marginalized groups — to reclaim it as a tool of empowerment.
But how? It starts with first being willing to explore our desires — what turns us on and off, how our sensory experience of pleasure unfolds.
So back to the pencil. My teacher led me through an exercise called “waking up the hands” from Betty Martin’s book The Art of Receiving and Giving.
Our hands take in sensory information constantly. They are equipped with a wide variety of sensory receptors that help us explore the world around us. Whether we are feeling the warmth of a cup of tea, the stickiness of honey on our fingertips or the line of our partner’s shoulder blade, we are waking up the nerves of the hands and the pleasure centers of the brain.
I took the pencil, and was instructed to first be aware of my hands. My teacher invited me to play with pressure, pace of movement, to explore the pointy and soft edges of the pencil.
At first I rushed through it, a little self-conscious. My guide invited me to take my time and track the sensation in my body. I slowly ran the pencil along the edges of my hand and in between my fingers. There we go! My hands were definitely awake. I had chills radiating through my body.
So, what is the point of playing with a pencil or having awakened hands? And what does this have to do with sex?
The aim of the exercise is not just to meditate on physical touch, but to deepen our awareness of our own body and desires. Learn what feels good, beyond what you expect to feel good. Then, bring this “data” to erotic experiences with others. Each sensation becomes more vivid, more profound, inviting us to experience the fullness of life. Pleasure isn’t something to be achieved or chased, but is woven into every moment of our day.
In Adrienne Marie Brown’s book Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, she explains that pleasure isn’t just about individual enjoyment but about cultivating collective joy, healing and connection. In a world that often prioritizes productivity and control, embracing pleasure is an act of resistance. It allows us to reconnect with our bodies, challenge oppressive systems and deepen our relationships with others. It’s also a tool for resilience, helping us to cope with and transcend trauma.
“How can we awaken within ourselves desires that make it impossible to settle for anything less than a fulfilling life?” she asks.
We can begin with a pencil and an open mind.
Natalie Benway-Correll LISW has been a licensed clinical mind/body psychotherapist for over 18 years, and is the founder of the Well Lived Life, a business dedicated to collective care and well-being. This article was originally published in Little Village’s February 2025 issue.
