Dear Kiki

A year ago, my husband engaged in frequent and very personal Whatsapp chats with a woman he met in a hobby group. They met first with some other friends in the group. After that, they worked on a project together. This project brought them closer to each other. My husband often spent hours chatting with her, even wee and

About a decade ago I fell very hard for someone, but circumstances kept us apart. We’ve both been able to move on and live our best lives and love the people we’re actually with since our really difficult split up. We haven’t spoken to or seen more than a glimpse of each other for years. But God, it’s still there in my heart. It’s always there.

A lot of people on social media are debating about the song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” — whether it celebrates date rape or represents a coy, playful, mutual flirtation that would have been sorta feminist for the 1940s. Where do you fall on this issue?

My dad and I live in different states, so it’s not hard to avoid him, but Christmas is steadily approaching. How do I diffuse the awkward — an awkward so awkward it gives the word new meaning??

I am a very independent, beautiful lady of 23, a teacher with a wonderful boyfriend, “Bill.” We occasionally discuss marriage but my independence is important to me. Bill is understanding and supportive, and we are both young so there is no rush. I have my own home and am quite happy with my life. Things got complicated a couple of weeks ago. I came home from work at 3 p.m. and was accosted by two young men burglarizing my house. They were obviously waiting for me because they had brought cords, duct tape and demanded my bank cards. I was not in a position to run, they bound me, taped my mouth and left me face down on the kitchen floor tightly hogtied.

I am a female in my early twenties, and although I’m not interested in a serious, long-term relationship at this point in my life, I do enjoy dating and meeting new people. Up to this point, I’ve only dated men within my age range, but I often find myself attracted to men who are older. A while ago, I developed an intense crush on a (single and childless) man who is more than twice my age, and I’ve tried ignoring it, but it isn’t going away.

Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.

Throughout witnessing a series of traumatic events happen to my daughter over the course of a very difficult year, I’ve developed strong attachment to and connection with an eighteen year old friend of hers. I’m thirty-five and in a relationship with the father of my younger children. This young man and I have been having an incredibly mutually amenable, emotional, creatively inspiring and sexual affair for the past few months and are both developing real feelings for one another.

My boyfriend is wonderful and feminist and sex positive, but he has issues with me being bisexual. It’s not that he’s openly raged at me or anything. It’s just that whenever it happens to come up, you can see the micro-flicker of discomfort on his face that he’s trying to suppress. I know it’s normal to feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of your partner having a past, but he feels especially threatened by the idea of me checking out a girl over a guy (when I actually don’t check out anyone; I’m too in love with him to really notice anyone else in that way).

Can you recommend some let’s-get-it-on music that’s not “Let’s Get It On”? In other words, how would you set the scene without being heavy-handed and melodramatic? I’m open to all genres of music, but not a huge fan of sappy romantic tunes.