Think back to the first time you felt sexy feelings. I’m pretty sure my first “tingly” thoughts involved watching David Bowie in Labyrinth, with his very impressive bulge. I also distinctly remember sneaking a peek at softcore porn on staticy channels like HBO or Cinemax late at night. (Think of the TV screen in Poltergeist, but instead of a swirly ghost […]
“When you’re overweight, your body becomes a matter of public record in many respects,” wrote Roxane Gay in her book Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body. “Your body is constantly and prominently on display. People project assumed narratives onto your body and are not at all interested in the truth of your body, whatever that truth might be. […]
Heather Gabel, one-half of the Chicago-based industrial EDM duo HIDE, has an affinity for the haunting, empowering and confrontational. You may have seen Gabel between flashes of strobe lights and clouds of dry ice in the Yacht Club basement during Mission Creek Festival 2019: glimpses of black-smudged lips yelling […]
I gave Shalisa Gladney a hug when she emerged from her office to greet me at the University of Iowa Women’s Resource and Action Center. During our conversation, much of which focused on relationships and consent, Gladney admitted she is not a hugger — I had neglected to check before going in for an embrace. But she […]
One of the most common questions I hear in my practice is, “Is that normal?” More often than not, the answer is yes. I asked some fellow Iowans to divulge their most mortifying sexcapades, and boy, did they deliver. I’ve included some of these stories below, along with some tips and context. […]
Maybe it was the news of Luke Perry dying at 52, or this never-ending goddamn winter, but I’ve been overcome recently with a desire to do something drastic, frivolous, adventurous. I feel an urge to escape the discomfort of my body, the constant thinking, the routine, anything unpleasant and say, “Fuck it! I’m bustin’ out of these chains.” […]
My new favorite show is Sex Education on Netflix. The series follows the insanely adorable and awkward Otis, who teams up with his brilliant, badass classmate Maeve to start a super secret sex therapy clinic. Otis uses knowledge picked up from his mother’s sex therapy business to guide his classmates through their sexual insecurities and quandaries.
“Don’t hold back. Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you were capable of.” —Annie Sprinkle There’s nothing like the giddy excitement of discussing good sex with a group of girlfriends. In a recent conversation, the topic of […]
From the election of Donald Trump to the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to a seat on the Supreme Court, I and other assault survivors have been deeply triggered and overwhelmed by recent and ongoing national rhetoric. Kavanaugh’s angry denial of all impropriety — except the occasional overuse of beer — was perhaps the most disheartening aspect of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on the allegations against him, during which his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, recalling her assault decades ago, was dignified and credible.
Americans carry a lot of anxiety about having an exciting sex life. This anxiety inspires Cosmopolitan, Redbook and the like to publish a steady stream of articles flouting “100 ways to spice up your sex life!” and “The top six ways to add more color to vanilla sex!” Shame about having “boring” sex is used to sell magazines as well as drive sales of sex toys, fluffy pink handcuffs and sexy nurse costumes, bought in half-hearted attempts to “spice things up.” […]
“So, when are you going to get married?” Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or single, you’ve likely fielded this question. It’s a big question, sometimes softened with a playful nudge or wink, but can be less than fun to answer, and not just for the proverbial bachelor afraid of commitment. The underlying assumption is […]
I recently had a coffee date with my friend Alison, with whom I share an interest (or should I say obsession) in talking about all things sex and sexuality. Alison, a University of Iowa lecturer, told me about several questions she poses to her human sexuality classes.After her students list qualities or characteristics they look for in an ideal partner, she asks how many have had the experience of being really attracted to someone until they got to know them. This is almost a universal experience. She […]