My partner and I have a 5-month-old who sleeps in a bassinet in the same room as us. We are wondering: When does inadvertently witnessing spontaneous late-night activity potentially scar the kiddo? It’s nothing wild, obvs; we save that for when the baby has naptime in the nursery.
—Impromptu Canoodler
For a technical answer to your query, I had to do a bit of digging, which led me down a delightful rabbit hole on implicit vs. explicit memory. (Thank you!)
Explicit memory, which covers things like details and events, usually doesn’t start retaining info until around 3 or 4 years old. That’s because the hippocampus, the section of the brain that governs explicit memory, is still in its early stages of development. Implicit memory, however — governed by the basal ganglia, cerebellum and neocortex — kicks in right away. Implicit memory includes repetitive tasks, like how to walk or how to speak. It also includes basic associations due to what’s called “priming” (banking past experiences to improve future recall).
“Blah blah blah, Kiki; I’m glad you’re nerding out, but just answer my question!”
Basically, a child under 3 won’t have true experiential memory. They won’t have a scarring, “Holy crap I saw my parents getting it on, eeeewww!” moment. Your specific actions won’t linger with them or turn them against you or whatever else it is you might fear. Even witnessing your “wild” naptime escapades is unlikely to make that sort of impression. (Please revisit this article when the baby starts climbing out of the crib during naptime and opening the nursery door!)
What will last, Impromptu Canoodler, are the associations baby builds over time. They’ll remember — physically, viscerally — if their presence in your shared space is a source of frustration or annoyance to you. Their mind will hold onto any associations of intimacy with embarrassment or shame.
What I’m saying is, witnessing a late-night moment of intimacy is unlikely to be scarring. But how you react might prime baby’s mind for a sense of negativity around physical closeness. So try your best not to stress about whether you’re “caught” or not, because your caring and empathy and love for each other are the best memories to give your child.
xoxo, Kiki
Submit questions anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/dearkiki or non-anonymously to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online at littlevillagemag.com.
This article was originally published in Little Village’s February 2026 issue.
