Dear Kiki,
As an asexual person, is there a certain time and place to bring up my sexuality when dating that won’t deter people but will let them know I am someone who takes things very slow in all aspects of the word?
—Proceeding with Caution
Dear Proceeding with Caution,
The slow and steady approach is a great one! So what you really should ask yourself is, why are you in such a rush to let your potential partners in on this little detail?
The fact is that everyone’s pacing in life is different, and respecting that is vital to relationship building. You don’t owe any suitor anything more than that shortest and sweetest of answers: “No.” Doesn’t matter if you’re asexual, allosexual or hypersexual. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for six weeks or married 60 years. Doesn’t matter if you join an orgy with them one night then feel awkward holding hands the next day.
Any person at any given time can always and forever say no to any level of intimacy, and the only decent human response is to abide by that, no questions asked. Period. I’m going to make my view on this plain: Anyone who would need to know this fact about you as an “excuse” for why you’re not moving faster isn’t really worth the effort it takes to cushion their feelings.
So yes, PwC. If you want, you can foreground the issue in your social media bio or online dating profile. It’s an aspect of who you are, and it’s silly to go out of your way to hide it. Or you can hold onto it and bring it up when you feel comfortable enough with the other person that it doesn’t feel forced or defensive.
But there’s no perfect time and place to raise the issue that will thread the needle such that a potential partner will like you enough to be OK with it if they wouldn’t otherwise be.
And you know what, PwC? I think that’s wonderful. There will never be enough time to share all your lore with anyone. Now, in this moment, you’re spending time together because you enjoy each other’s company, and that’s enough.
I know it’s easier said than done, but if an aspect of who you are turns out to be a dealbreaker, or vice versa, thank the person for the time you had together and try again. Value what you have instant by instant, and don’t look to tomorrow to justify it. Time spent enjoying someone else’s presence is never wasted.
xoxo, Kiki
Submit questions anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/dearkiki or non-anonymously to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online at littlevillagemag.com.
This article was originally published in Little Village’s February 2026 issue.
