Dear Kiki,
A few weeks ago I found out through Instagram reels of all things and confirmed through a friend that my now ex-girlfriend cheated on her current partner with me. Should I go through the effort of getting the partner’s contact information to tell them or sit this one out?
Kiss and Tell
Dear Kiss and Tell,
OK. deep breath OK. I’m going to put my first impulse on the backburner for a moment and give your intentions the benefit of the doubt. Kiki is nothing if not generous, in preassumptions as in all things! Here are a couple of questions for us to consider together:
Have you tested positive for an STD recently? Do you feel an obligation to inform any and all parties who could have been exposed? Good on you, Kiss and Tell! This is responsible and kind, especially if you have any doubts that your ex will pass the info along. (You have, in this scenario, I’m quite sure, already told your ex. pointed stare) Go forth and seek out said contact info like the moral modern fornicator you are!
Do you have an independent connection to your ex’s new beau that bears the weight of disclosure? Are you co-workers? Members of the same Greek org/religious community/National Guard unit? Parents of kids on the same soccer team? Is this person your dentist or your student or your mail carrier? You don’t want this to fester as a secret if you interact with this person regularly.
If you find yourself in this situation, let your ex know that you’ve done the incriminating arithmetic and offer to let her get ahead of things before you come clean. Then spill away. You are a good acquaintance, Kiss and Tell!
However.
Remember that “first impulse” I mentioned? Here’s the unvarnished version.
If there is even a flicker of a whisper of an inkling in your mind that sharing this info with her partner is a “consequence” that she “deserves”? Kiss and Tell, gtfo.
Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not continue to lurk on her socials. Do not engage, and do not seek out her current or future partners for any reason, until you can purge yourself of the desire to expose, ruin and/or sabotage her. I could give you a dozen practical, tangible reasons for this, but the bottom line is: It’s not worth it. Save your emotional energy to deploy positively in your next relationship. Close this door, and quit peeking through the keyhole.
xoxo, Kiki
Submit questions anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/dearkiki or non-anonymously to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online at littlevillagemag.com.
This article was originally published in Little Village’s October 2025 issue.
