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Dear Kiki,

I recently had to live with some family members due to being between jobs and finally got a place of my own two months ago. The problem? I left a few things that I got mailed to me in a box yesterday. Some clothes, a couple books — and a large-ish vibrating strap-on. No words were spoken about the strap-on, though they obviously know about it, and I’m a couple states away so I haven’t seen them since I got the box. I’m planning on visiting them within the next couple of months but I’m afraid of it being weird. They aren’t like, super conservative or anything but they’re fairly repressed. Is there a way to soften the awkwardness before I arrive? Help me, Kiki!

—Did a Dil-don’t

Dear Did a Dil-don’t,

The answer to this dilemma will differ from family to family, of course. If I had done something like this, I guarantee the next visit would be filled with endless ribbing (pun intended), because my family is, well, not repressed. But if your relatives are on the tamer side, it’s probably best to let the situation be.

Any attempt you make to address it will most likely exacerbate things. Keep in mind, for example, that any member of the household could have packed that box. All you know for sure is that one person knows about it — bringing it up, even just to clear the air, could make things far more uncomfortable, maybe even raising “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”-esque questions that could make family dynamics awkward even after you leave.

From the way you describe them, I’m guessing they’re happy to have sent it along without needing to talk about it. When you see them, express your gratitude again for their hospitality and for returning your things, but don’t mention specifics unless they do. Stay nonchalant, avoid subjects that could trigger memories of the device (don’t, for example, ask if they have a massager you can borrow) and treat them with the same respect and kindness that I presume you did while you lived with them.

Remember, however repressed they are, they likely have aspects of their life that are private as well. Like every human being, they understand what it means to be exposed in the way you were. They’re probably having the same concerns you’re having right now, and will be trying to act in ways that ease your anxiety and awkwardness. The best thing to do is just be genuine with each other, enjoy the same activities and conversations that you always did and just value the time you get to spend in each other’s company.

If for some reason they decide that this has changed the way they see you? That’s a them problem. You can’t control their inner narrative. But you didn’t give any indication in your letter that you fear that particular outcome or think they’re that kind of people.

These are family members who took you in when you were in a difficult situation. They obviously care about you, and the fact that you’re heading back to visit means you clearly also care about them. Just bear the little bit of discomfort that you feel. It will fade, and family is worth it.

Of course, you should also be prepared for the possibility that one of them may ask you where you bought it or if you have any recommendations! If that happens, especially if you feel your anxiety peaking just imagining it, just tell them to pull up littlevillagemag.com and search “vibrators.” We gotchu.

xoxo, Kiki

This article was originally published in Little Village’s May 2023 issues.