My partner is my best friend. We are ethically nonmonogamous and are going to start scaling back our relationship to make ways for different primary partners. Any advice about how to handle this or bumps in the road to expect?

—Meticulously Unweaving

Congratulations! This is such a gift that you and your friend are giving each other, and managing it slowly and consciously will go a long way toward making the shift successful. The care you’re showing already makes it unlikely that any of my advice will be news to you, but there are three things I think it’s important to bear in mind.

First, be gentle with yourselves — especially when it comes to both grief and jealousy. Don’t get caught in how you think you should feel, but instead make space for whatever emotions come up and let them run their course. Just because you’re proceeding with intention into something positive doesn’t mean you won’t get caught off-guard by negative feels. Don’t ignore, deny or avoid: just hold the feelings, and yourself, with grace.

Second, Unweaving, be effusive with your partners! You don’t say whether you are scaling back in order to elevate existing partners to primary or if you are just opening the door for future possibility. But you do refer to your current partner as your best friend, and that speaks to a closeness in your relationship that can be tricky for any new primary partner to navigate. Add in that you were until recently each other’s primaries, and it becomes important to put in some extra work with your new partners to engender trust.

Third, be patient with your friends. Even if your network is entirely other poly folks, getting used to a shift in how people relate to each other can be tricky. They knew you as an interwoven pair and might experience confusion. Just give them time. Don’t let their lack of understanding get in the way of your efforts to support each other in this next step. 

xoxo, Kiki

Submit questions anonymously at littlevillagemag.com/dearkiki or non-anonymously to dearkiki@littlevillagemag.com. Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online at littlevillagemag.com.

This article was originally published in Little Village’s February 2026 issue.