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Pro Tips: Cleanliness is Godliness


Stay clean, friendsFor over six months, Wayne Diamante has been the name you trust when it comes to money matters; tampon advice; which brand of hip replacement is best; dealing with the neighbor’s cat problem; measuring the distance between hello and second base and countless other bits of human drama and plan-B scenarios.

He’s the trusted vizier you turn to when everyone else has stopped listening about your rash. He’s on your side when you’ve exhausted conventional means of hair replacement. Remember when there was only one set of footprints in the sand? Yes, that was Wayne carrying you piggyback style, but facing forward. Because Wayne is who you count on when maintaining eye contact counts.

Whether you need advice about turning over a new leaf, or turning your life around, Wayne listens and understands for the most part. If you have a tough question you’d like addressed, please send it to askwaynediamante@gmail.com and I’ll do my best to figure out what your problem is.

Dear Wayne,
Is there an appreciable difference between the fur covering the majority of a cat, versus the fur around that cat’s privates? And if not, does that mean cats are entirely covered in pubes?

Sincerely,
Tina N.

Dear Tina N.,
Yes. Technically no. I think you have to have hair follicles rather than fur to have pubes. But yes. The answer is yes.

—Wayne

Dear Wayne,
Look, I’m in the sales industry and in my profession I have to look sharp and smell good. Do you have any advice for an “all day long” power user like me about maintaining my fresh edge?

Thanks,
Jamie

Jamie,
Whenever I have questions about hygiene I consult the internet. Let me Google that for you. Ahhh … here we are. Success. According to wikihow.com you should:

“Change your underpants often. Always change into clean underwear after a shower. If you’re smelling not so good “down there,” then change your underwear at lunch or after you get home from school or work.”

Or

“Excuse yourself and go to the nearest bathroom to freshen up. Go alone so that you can attend to your body without drawing a lot of attention.”

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And of course, when you take that pre new-underwear shower you’ll want to: “Scrub your anus. If you have any fecal residue around your anus, it can make you smell bad.”

I think you’ve got some real building blocks here. What you build with them, Jamie, is up to you. Namaste.

—Wayne


Thoughts? Tips? A cute picture of a dog? Share them with LV » editor@littlevillagemag.com

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