Advertisement

Dear Kiki: Does long-distance work or are we doomed?


Illustration by Jav Ducker

Dear Kiki,

I’m planning a big move, and the guy I’ve recently fallen head over heels with is also planning one. The catch is, it’s not to the same city. We’ll be 12 hours apart, and it’s COVID. Is long-distance a viable starting point, or are we doomed?

—Miles Apart

Dear Miles,

Here’s something you should know about your dear Kiki: I don’t believe in “doomed.” Relationships work because we want them to work and we make them work, not because of fate or fortune. It’s pat and pithy, but no less true for that: Energy flows where attention goes.

There are two important things that I want you to take away from my response. The first is this: Don’t worry about COVID-19. Will it restrict your ability to visit one another? Of course, especially if there are travel restrictions in place from one or both of your cities. But long-distance relationships don’t flourish or falter based on how often you can visit each other, but on making time for each other in your day-to-day.

In fact, the inability to travel lifts a significant weight off the situation — you won’t have to decide (and potentially argue about) who goes where, who makes more (and can afford to travel), who can take time off, etc. You can focus on finding other ways to spend time “together,” with the bonus that online “dates” are easier than ever to find: Watch a play together; do an online escape room; order delivery from the same chain and Zoom a meal—all of these things are more reasonable-sounding than ever in COVID times.

Claire Thoele/Little Village

The other major takeaway is, if you are both actively planning big moves, that means you have dreams and goals for your futures. That’s awesome! One high-risk factor in long-distance scenarios is when one partner is focused on their life and the other is focused only on the relationship. It’s far better that you’re both charging wide-eyed into life than a situation where one is following their dreams and the other is left behind.

Plus, all relationships work best when both parties are able to chase and fulfill their dreams. If your relationship thrives and survives to the point where you join each other physically again, you’ll be far better positioned than many couples to find future success. You will both already have taken a shot in life and taken steps toward becoming the person you need to be.

So take the word “doom” out of your vocabulary, unless you’re desperate for a rhyme for “gloom” or you’re singing the Doom Song from Invader Zim. The question is never, “Are we doomed?” but, “Are we willing to put in the work?”

Well, Miles? Are you?

xoxo, Kiki

This article was originally published in Little Village issue 288.


Thoughts? Tips? A cute picture of a dog? Share them with LV » editor@littlevillagemag.com

Advertisement

IOWA CITY HOLIDAY MARKET

Fresh, local and hand crafted

Learn More

SATURDAY, DEC. 18
8 AM - 1 PM

ROBERT A. LEE COMMUNITY
RECREATION CENTER

220 S. GILBERT STREET
IOWA CITY, IA 52240

Advertisement

World of Bikes presents:

KEEP ROLLING THROUGH THE WINTER

Come talk with our experts about ways to stay on the bike this winter! Find out more at World of Bikes.

Get Started

The Future is Unwritten

You look to Little Village for today’s stories. Your sustaining support will help us write tomorrow’s.

Regular

$10/mo or $120/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
The cost of doing this work really adds up! Your contribution at this level will cover telephone and internet expenses for one month at the LV editorial offices.

Italic

$20/mo or $240/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
$240 is enough to cover one month’s costs for sending out our weekly entertainment newsletter, The Weekender. Make a contribution at this level to put a little more oomph on your support and your weekend.

Bold

$30/mo or $360/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
LittleVillageMag.com connects eastern Iowa culture with the world. Your contribution at this level will cover the site’s hosting costs for three months. A bold move for our boldest supporters!

All monthly and annual contributors receive:

  • Recognition on our Supporters page (aliases welcome)
  • Exclusive early access when we release new half-price gift cards
  • Access to a secret Facebook group where you can connect with other supporters and discuss the latest news and upcoming events (and maybe swap pet pics?) with the LV staff
  • Invitations to periodic publisher chats (held virtually for now) to meet with Matt and give him a piece of your mind, ask your burning questions and hear more about the future plans for Little Village, Bread & Butter Magazine, Witching Hour Festival and our other endeavors.