Well, kids, since it has been about five whole seconds since some Republican said President Obama should be impeached, it’s about that time again. Who is impeachsplaining at us today? Why, it’s Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn (no, not that spackle-brained dick weasel Oklahoma senator, but the other one). And why are we IMPEACH!ing the president today? Is it for presidenting while black? Or IRSgate? Or that new puppy? No! It is because of a new standard Sen. Coburn just discovered (read: invented) that did not exist in the era of George W. Bush but it is now a high crime and misdemeanor.
And what is this new standard? Why, it is uncompetency!
“What you have to do is you have to establish the criteria that would qualify for proceedings against the president and that’s called impeachment” Coburn said, responding to a question about holding President Obama accountable. “That’s not something you take lightly and you have to use a historical precedent of what that means. I think there’s some intended violation of the law in this administration, but I also think there’s a ton of incompetence of people who are making decisions.”
Sure, that makes sense. After all, Republicans are especially outraged at how Obama so incompetently mishandled the response to Hurricane Katrina four years before he actually became president, but so what, that’s just, like, semantics.
And it’s not like Coburn is saying IMPEACH!, exactly, he’s just saying IMPEACH! maybe.
“My little wiggle out of that when I get that written to me is I believe that needs to be evaluated and determined but thank goodness it doesn’t have to happen in the Senate until they’ve brought charges in the House. Those are serious things but we’re in a serious time. I don’t have the legal background to know if that rises to high crimes and misdemeanor but I think they’re getting perilously close.”
Good thing Coburn has allowed himself some wiggle room so he doesn’t sound like a complete jackhole when he talks about impeaching the president. Not that he really knows what he’s talking about at all, since he doesn’t have the “legal background” to understand how this whole impeachment thing works. But since when has a Republican ever let his own ignorance get in the way of anything? (No, really, when? We’re pretty sure it’s NEVER.)
Besides, Coburn isn’t saying the president has done anything impeachable yet. He’s just “perilously close.” We are not sure what that means. One more adopted puppy? One more trip to the exotic foreign country of Hawaii? One more day in office as a black president? (Sorry, Peggy Noonan, we know how you hate when anyone suggests that there is anything racist about racism.) Anyway, we’re pretty sure this is not personal. After all, Coburn says some of his best friends are presidents he think should be impeached. Maybe. If someone with more legal background can figure out something to charge the president with.
Perhaps Coburn should attend one of the Republican leadership’s weekly strategy sessions, where they come up with brilliant new ways to get rid of Obamacare. So far, they have come up with (a) Repeal Obamacare, (b) Repeal Obamacare, (c) Repeal Obamacare, and, failing that, (d) Repeal Obamacare. These strategy meetings seem like an awful waste of time, since former Sen. Jim DeMint says the president might just get rid of Obamacare his own self, but on the off chance that doesn’t happen, Republicans might need a back-up plan. Hey, maybe they should try repealing Obamacare! Yeah, that just might work!
By Kaili Joy Gray