DOWNLOAD: The “ILLBOARD” Hot 100 playlist – Kembrew’s guide to going (instru)-Mental this Christmas


If you’re like me, Christmas songs probably send you into a murderous rage that ends with a trail of bloody reindeer and a decapitated Salvation Army Santa (those incessant ringing BELLS!). Fortunately, I have a plan to combat this musical menace that does not involve bloodshed. What you need is an impenetrable aural force field that negates the ill effects of holiday cheer, though of course that’s easier said than done.

A useful weapon in this fight is the “Instru-Mental” genre, which I explored in last month’s column. This term refers to mind-expanding music without words–lysergic soundscapes that are more about texture than lyrical texts, and which generally avoid the standard verse-chorus-verse song structure. A couple examples that come to mind are Stereolab’s hypnotic Moog synthesizer-powered space rock and the ADHD rhythm changes of electronic dance music auteur μ-Ziq (pronounced “Music”).

Through the miracle of modern technology, you can turn just about any environment into an anti-Xmas sound art installation space. All that is needed is a digital music player, speakers, and an Internet connection. With enough bandwidth, one can subject others to my massive thirteen-hour-long compilation of Instru-Mental songs (some tracks, like Miles Davis’s “He Loved Him Madly” and Unrest’s “Hydro,” break the thirty minute mark). This playlist can be put on repeat until Dec. 26, or until everyone goes batcrap crazy.

The adventurous among you can strap a powerful battery-operated stereo system to your chest and blast mall shoppers like a sonic suicide bomber. Those who are more introverted might opt to stay at home and wear headphones that block out the soundtrack to the Winter Wonder-Hellscape. Either way, you are contributing to the death of Christmas as we know it. (Jesus may have died for our sins, but upon resurrection the son of God will surely kill himself when he hears the music that bears his name.)

DJ Shadow’s

When fending off peppy lobotomized carolers, nothing is more helpful than pulsating waves of drone-rock, demented disco, trippy instrumental hip-hop and squelches of electronic detritus. With that in mind, let me recommend a few choice nuggets from my carefully curated ILLboard Hot 100 list. Vladimir Ussachevsky’s “Piece For Tape Recorder (1956),” the earliest track, is at least a half-century ahead of its time. His tape manipulations, analog synth eruptions, reverb effects and subtle ambient arrangements combine to produce an eeriness one might expect from the director of Blue Velvet.

Speaking of David Lynch, his longtime film composer and collaborator Angelo Badalamenti shines on “Mountains Falling,” a characteristically unsettling track from Mulholland Drive. Soundtrack music has provided an endless well of inspiration for noir-hop artists like Portishead, who sampled Lalo Schifrin’s “Danube Incident,” among others. That Schifrin track–like much of his peerless work in the 1960s and 1970s–remains a touchstone of lounge psychedelia, as does the Quincy Jones track also included in my compilation. Throw in the brain-busting minimal techno of Plastikman and the woozy post-rock of Bowery Electric, and you have a roadmap for a trip into inner space.

Beginning in January, I will host a KRUI program titled “Instru-Mental Madness” that explores every corner of this musical universe. If unidentifiable sonic shrapnel happens to penetrate your skull, don’t worry, that’s not the sound of your head imploding—it’s just my radio show.


The ILLboard Hot 100

A Certain Ratio “Winter Hill”
African Head Charge “Fever Pitch”
Air “J’Ai Dormi Sous L’Eau”
Alice Coltrane “Galaxy In Sathhidanada/A Love Supreme”
Angelo Badalamenti “Mountains Falling”
Aphex Twin “Acrid Avid Jam Shred”
Arthur Russell “In The Light Of The Miracle”
Badawi “ZIKR (Whirling Dub)”
Bardo Pond “Tantric Porno”
Beanfield “Charles”
Beat Dominator “How Do You Say … Bass”
Bill Laswell “Skulls Of Broken Hill”
Black Dice “Roll Up”
Bob James “Take Me To The Mardi Gras”
Bowery Electric “Slow Thrills”
Broken Social Scene “I Slept With Bonhomme At The CBC”
The Bug “Those Tapes Are Dangerous”
Can “Bel Air”
Cash Money Millionaires “The Block Is Hot (Instrumental)”
The Chemical Brothers “Chico’s Groove”
Chris & Cosey “Put Yourself In Los Angeles”
Cluster & Eno “Ho Renomo”
Coldcut “Eine Kleine Hedmusik”
Company Flow “Suzy Pulled A Pistol On Henry”
Cul De Sac “Utopia Pkwy”
Cypress Hill “Illusions (Instrumental)”
David Axelrod “Everything Counts”
David Bowie “Abdulmajid”
David Byrne “Dense Beasts”
Deerhunter “Octet”
DJ Disk “Thinking Room Sculpture”
DJ Shadow “In/Flux”
Dr. Octagon “Blue Flowers Revisited (Instrumental)”
The Dust Brothers “The Groomsman”
808 State “808080808”
Explosions in the Sky “Your Hand in Mine”
Faust “Krautrock”
Felt – The Optimist And The Poet
The Field “Arpeggiated Love”
Flying Saucer Attack “Feedback Song”
Funkadelic “Maggot Brain”
Füxa “Dreamlanding”
Glenn Branca “Lesson No. 1 for Electric Guitar”
Godspeed You! Black Emperor “Storm”
Hamilton Bohannon “I Got To Stay Funky”
Harmonia “Dino”
Hive “Dreaming Belize”
The Jackson 5 “Hum Along And Dance”
Japancakes “Handguns and Firearms”
Jean-Jacques Perrey “Island In Space”
Joi “Strange Days”
King Sunny Adé “Ja Fun Mi (Instrumental)”
King Tubby “Dub Fi Gwan”
Kool DJ E.Q. “Death of Hip-Hop”
Kraftwerk “Europe Endless”
Kruder & Dorfmeister “Original Bedroom Rockers”
Lalo Schifrin “Danube Incident”
Lee “Scratch” Perry “Heavy Revolution Dub”
Liquid Liquid “Cavern”
Loop “Mother Sky”
Man Parrish “Hip-Hop Be-Bop”
Martin Denny “Midnight Cowboy”
Massive Attack vs. Mad Professor “Backward Sucking (Heat Miser)”
Michael Rother “Feuerland”
Miles Davis “He Loved Him Madly”
Mogwai “Burn Girl Prom Queen”
μ-Ziq “1 Hip 007”
Neu! “Fur Immer”
New Kingdom “Return of the Black Falcon”
The Orb “Little Fluffy Clouds”
OMD “Sealand”
Penguin Cafe Orchestra “Numbers 1-4”
Plastikman “Elektrostatik”
Quincy Jones “Main Theme: The Deadly Affair (Version 2)”
Raymond Scott “Sleepy Time”
Section 25 “Sutra”
Sigur Rós “Untitled 5”
Sonic Youth “Anagrama”
Stereolab “Metronomic Underground”
Steve Reich “Pulses”
Swell Maps “Big Maz in the Desert”
Throbbing Gristle “Hot On The Heels Of Love”
Tim Hecker “Hatred of Music I”
The Tornadoes “Telstar”
Tortoise “DJed”
Tosca “Fuckdub Parts 1&2”
Trans Am “Love Commander”
Transglobal Underground “International Times (Haunted Dancehall Remix)”
Tristeza “Building Peaks”
U.N.K.L.E. “The Time Has Come”
Underground Resistance “Deathstar”
Unrest “Hydro”
VAX “Glacier”
The Ventures “Vibrations”
Virgo Four “Take Me Higher”
Vladimir Ussachevsky “Piece For Tape Recorder (1956)”
Windy & Carl “Lighthouse”
Yo La Tengo “Spec Bebop”
Yoko Ono “Greenfield Morning”

[gravityform id="17" title="false" description="false" ajax="true"]
<div class='gf_browser_unknown gform_wrapper your-village-form_wrapper' id='gform_wrapper_17' ><a id='gf_17' class='gform_anchor' ></a><form method='post' enctype='multipart/form-data' target='gform_ajax_frame_17' id='gform_17' class='your-village-form' action='/instru-mental/#gf_17'> <div class='gform_body'><ul id='gform_fields_17' class='gform_fields top_label form_sublabel_below description_below'><li id='field_17_7' class='gfield gfield_html gfield_html_formatted gfield_no_follows_desc field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible' ><h3 style="font-weight:800; font-size:34px;">Let's get started</h3> <p style="font-size:18px;">Fill out this form and we'll contact you with information about marketing with Little Village!</p></li><li id='field_17_4' class='gfield field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible' ><label class='gfield_label gfield_label_before_complex' for='input_17_4_3' ></label><div class='ginput_complex ginput_container no_prefix has_first_name no_middle_name has_last_name no_suffix gf_name_has_2 ginput_container_name gfield_trigger_change' id='input_17_4'> <span id='input_17_4_3_container' class='name_first' > <input type='text' name='input_4.3' id='input_17_4_3' value='' aria-label='First name' tabindex='2' aria-invalid="false" placeholder='First name'/> <label for='input_17_4_3' >First</label> </span> <span id='input_17_4_6_container' class='name_last' > <input type='text' name='input_4.6' id='input_17_4_6' value='' aria-label='Last name' tabindex='4' aria-invalid="false" placeholder='Last name'/> <label for='input_17_4_6' >Last</label> </span> </div></li><li id='field_17_5' class='gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible' ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_17_5' ><span class='gfield_required'>*</span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_text'><input name='input_5' id='input_17_5' type='text' value='' class='large' tabindex='6' placeholder='Company name' aria-required="true" aria-invalid="false" /></div></li><li id='field_17_3' class='gfield gfield_contains_required field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_visible' ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_17_3' ><span class='gfield_required'>*</span></label><div class='ginput_container ginput_container_email'> <input name='input_3' id='input_17_3' type='text' value='' class='large' tabindex='7' placeholder='Your email address' aria-required="true" aria-invalid="false"/> </div></li><li id='field_17_8' class='gfield gform_validation_container field_sublabel_below field_description_below gfield_visibility_' ><label class='gfield_label' for='input_17_8' >Comments</label><div class='ginput_container'><input name='input_8' id='input_17_8' type='text' value='' /></div><div class='gfield_description'>This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.</div></li> </ul></div> <div class='gform_footer top_label'> <input type='submit' id='gform_submit_button_17' class='gform_button button' value='SUBMIT' tabindex='8' onclick='if(window["gf_submitting_17"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_17"]=true; ' onkeypress='if( event.keyCode == 13 ){ if(window["gf_submitting_17"]){return false;} window["gf_submitting_17"]=true; jQuery("#gform_17").trigger("submit",[true]); }' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_ajax' value='form_id=17&amp;title=&amp;description=&amp;tabindex=1' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='is_submit_17' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_submit' value='17' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_unique_id' value='' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='state_17' value='WyJbXSIsIjlmNzc1YTEyZmZjNmYyODk5Mzk0NDM3ZjRlOGYyZDNmIl0=' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_target_page_number_17' id='gform_target_page_number_17' value='0' /> <input type='hidden' class='gform_hidden' name='gform_source_page_number_17' id='gform_source_page_number_17' value='1' /> <input type='hidden' name='gform_field_values' value='' /> </div> <p style="display: none !important;"><label>&#916;<textarea name="ak_hp_textarea" cols="45" rows="8" maxlength="100"></textarea></label><input type="hidden" id="ak_js_1" name="ak_js" value="153"/><script>document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() );</script></p></form> </div> <iframe style='display:none;width:0px;height:0px;' src='about:blank' name='gform_ajax_frame_17' id='gform_ajax_frame_17'>This iframe contains the logic required to handle Ajax powered Gravity Forms.</iframe> <script type='text/javascript'>jQuery(document).ready(function($){gformInitSpinner( 17, '' );jQuery('#gform_ajax_frame_17').load( function(){var contents = jQuery(this).contents().find('*').html();var is_postback = contents.indexOf('GF_AJAX_POSTBACK') >= 0;if(!is_postback){return;}var form_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_wrapper_17');var is_confirmation = jQuery(this).contents().find('#gform_confirmation_wrapper_17').length > 0;var is_redirect = contents.indexOf('gformRedirect(){') >= 0;var is_form = form_content.length > 0 && ! is_redirect && ! is_confirmation;if(is_form){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_17').html(form_content.html());if(form_content.hasClass('gform_validation_error')){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_17').addClass('gform_validation_error');} else {jQuery('#gform_wrapper_17').removeClass('gform_validation_error');}setTimeout( function() { /* delay the scroll by 50 milliseconds to fix a bug in chrome */ jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gform_wrapper_17').offset().top); }, 50 );if(window['gformInitDatepicker']) {gformInitDatepicker();}if(window['gformInitPriceFields']) {gformInitPriceFields();}var current_page = jQuery('#gform_source_page_number_17').val();gformInitSpinner( 17, '' );jQuery(document).trigger('gform_page_loaded', [17, current_page]);window['gf_submitting_17'] = false;}else if(!is_redirect){var confirmation_content = jQuery(this).contents().find('.GF_AJAX_POSTBACK').html();if(!confirmation_content){confirmation_content = contents;}setTimeout(function(){jQuery('#gform_wrapper_17').replaceWith(confirmation_content);jQuery(document).scrollTop(jQuery('#gf_17').offset().top);jQuery(document).trigger('gform_confirmation_loaded', [17]);window['gf_submitting_17'] = false;}, 50);}else{jQuery('#gform_17').append(contents);if(window['gformRedirect']) {gformRedirect();}}jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [17, current_page]);} );} );</script><script type='text/javascript'> if(typeof gf_global == 'undefined') var gf_global = {"gf_currency_config":{"name":"U.S. Dollar","symbol_left":"$","symbol_right":"","symbol_padding":"","thousand_separator":",","decimal_separator":".","decimals":2},"base_url":"https:\/\/\/wp-content\/plugins\/gravityforms-asdf111aasdfffs-nope","number_formats":[],"spinnerUrl":"https:\/\/\/wp-content\/plugins\/gravityforms-asdf111aasdfffs-nope\/images\/spinner.gif"};jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 17) {if(typeof Placeholders != 'undefined'){ Placeholders.enable(); }} } );jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} );</script><script type='text/javascript'> jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [17, 1]) } ); </script>