(via Wonkette) A Missouri state representative was arrested Sunday for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Rep. Jeremy LaFaver…
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Wire: Millionaire golfer Phil Mickelson feels the pain of the underclass: The poor, poor CEOs
Let us begin our long, long week of snark and by crying a big ol’ bucket of crocodile tears for golfing sports-man Phil Mickelson, a person…
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Senator Tom Coburn: Obama is my friend, let’s IMPEACH!
(via Wonkette) Well, kids, since it has been about five whole seconds since some Republican said President Obama should be impeached, it’s about that time again. Who is impeachsplaining at us today? Why, it’s Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn (no, not that spackle-brained dick weasel Oklahoma senator, but the other one). And why are we IMPEACH!ing the president today? Is it for presidenting while black? Or IRSgate? Or that new puppy? No! It is because of a new standard Sen. Coburn just discovered (read: invented) that did not exist in the era of George W. Bush but it is now a high crime and misdemeanor.
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Wire: Herman Cain’s internet home for giving Herman Cain money is a mere shell of its former shell
(via Wonkette) Here’s something that’s high on the list of stuff we missed without realizing we missed it: Thinking about Herman Cain! Remember that guy?…
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Wire: Canadian Ted Cruz shocked — shocked! — to learn he is Canadian
(via Wonkette) Ivy-league graduate and Harvard Law Review editor Ted Cruz is a startling example of how a Grade A Dumbass can become a U.S. Senator…
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Wire: West Virginia judge indicted after trying to live out bad noir movie plot
(via Wonkette) A West Virginia judge was indicted last Thursday on two charges of conspiracy after spending years trying to frame the husband of his former lover with…
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Wire: Texas defends voter redistricting plan with ‘hey, we could be a lot more racist about this
(via Wonkette) It has been a couple of weeks since we checked in on the tattered remnants of the Voting Rights Act. How are GOP-controlled legislatures…
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Wire: Hippies at Seattle P.D. will feed you snacks for your trip on ‘The Pot’
(via Wonkette) Would you like to know what it looks like when police are not busy arresting 750,000 people A YEAR for getting “high” on the pot? That is…
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Pat Buchanan: When will the gays stop oppressing Putin?
(via Wonkette) Are you mad at Russia for doing this whole “arrest anybody who might like gay people” thing? Well then Pat Buchanan is mad at you. Probably. We can’t really tell, but he wrote some kind of opinion piece about it where he’s mad at Jay Leno for saying Russian “homosexual propaganda” laws sounded like Hitler-talk, or something. If someone translates the column into English, we will know for sure, but otherwise we will have to muddle through with whatever it is Mr. Buchanan has farted out.
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Wire: Tennessee judge rejects Messiah and isn’t even Jewish probably
(via Wonkette) A Tennessee judge has ordered that a baby’s name be changed from “Messiah” to “Martin,” explaining that There Can Be Only One: “The word Messiah…
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Wire: At Texas legislator’s car dealership, tasings will continue until morale improves
(via Wonkette) A Houston man with no sense of humor is suing his former employer, a car dealership co-owned by Texas State Rep. Patricia Harless, after…
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Wire: Justice Department threatens to rap banks on wrist, again
(via Wonkette) Another day, another instance of bank wrongdoing, this is the world we live in! Or rather, this is the world we WOULD live in if banks were capable…
