Wire: Wisconsin declares war on cuddling

There's too much cuddling going on around here, people. -- photo by David Goehring
There’s too much cuddling going on around here, people. — photo by David Goehring


In a blow to freedom and weirdass trendiness, the Snuggle House, an innovative business in Madison, Wisconsin, where for $60 an hour you could get all therapeutically cuddled with a “professional snuggler,” has closed. The innocent cuddle-hos of the twee “touch therapy” business were driven out of business by city officials who thought that all this paid pajama-panky was too close to prostitution. Plus silly as all fuck.

Now, we don’t doubt that there is much to be said for the health benefits of intimacy and touch and all that crap, and as liberal types, we have no objection to it being legal for people to blow their money on whatever quackery comes down the pike. We think that prostitutes deserve health insurance, too. Our objection to this alleged trend of snuggle salons is primarily that it’s just one more goddamned thing that new-age fadsters will talk about, endlessly, and that, good sir or madame, is not something up with which we intend to put, because next there’ll be lines of professionally endorsed snugglewear, cuddling reality shows, and angry denunciations of the Culture of Cuddling from the likes of Bryan Fischer, and that’s all just more than we want to face.

In fact, all this nonsense has us feeling a little tense. Thankfully, we’ve found a terrific stress reliever, a traditional remedy known as Scotch. We’re always happy to curl up with that.

By Doktor Zoom

[Fox News / Esquire]

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