Come for the bloody civil war, stay for the sarin gas

Assad protest
Demonstration in Kafranbel, Idlib – Syria — photo by Freedom House


If you’re done whining about High Overlord Fidel Hitler Obama shoving health care down your throat, let’s take a wee peek outside the United States and explore the lives of people. In some countries, instead of raining down health care, leaders are shelling their own populations with chemical weapons. Per the Washington Post:

Horrific photos and videos from Syria on Wednesday showed scores of bodies, including many children, lined up in field hospitals and morgues in the eastern suburbs of Damascus. Opposition spokesmen said they were evidence of a massive chemical weapons attack by the regime of Bashar al-Assad. Hundreds were reported killed, and medical personnel at the scene described symptoms consistent with the use of deadly nerve agents: constricted pupils, foam around the mouth and breathing difficulties.

At least they are having breathing difficulties and foaming mouths without the threat of forced health care. Three cheers for freedom, yo!

We reported snarked about some smaller-scale uses of chemical weapons earlier in the summer, when virgina-American Barlinda Obama promised to send some guns over there, but apparently they haven’t arrived yet, but would some small arms really protect you from being gassed by your own leader? Probably not, so maybe we should STEP THE FUCK UP and get moar involved.

We here at Wonkette are not military strategists, but when a leader uses chemical weapons on his own people, maybe we can all put aside bullshit partisan differences and agree that we should use some of the elevently gazillion dollars we spend on our military to SHUT THAT SHIT THE FUCK DOWN. Probably in coalition with other countries, and in a responsible way, but maybe sooner rather than later. Perhaps a No Fly Zone to protect people from future chemical weapons attacks?

Of course, we don’t really expect that to happen. Instead, the right will complain that Obama is either being tyrannical or leading from behind or not doing anything, and the left will complain that war – HUH – what is it good for?, and academics will hem and haw about long-term implications of military involvement and in a few weeks there will be more videos of kids FUCKING DYING from chemical weapons and we can start the whole cycle over again because AMERICA, FUCK YEAH, or something.

Sorry kids, but politicians really need to examine how this will affect their polling, and since you are foreigners… and brown… and can’t vote… there might not be much in it for elected officials, sorry you couldn’t raise enough cash to get a good lobbyist, and don’t give me that ‘my money was exploded by chemical weapons’ bullshit, because personal responsibility.

And the U.N. is contemplating a resolution, and we hear that framed copies of U.N. resolutions hung properly in the house work just as good as plastic sheeting and duct tape, so just wait for copies in the mail, folks of Syria!

While we drink our lattes Irish coffees and make what funnies we can out of this horrendous news, there are some organizations who are trying to actually make a difference, like International Medical Corps. Others, like Save the Children and the International Rescue Committee, are working in refugee camps in neighboring countries. If you have not given all your monies to Wonkette to help pay our bills, consider supporting these organizations before drinking yourself into oblivion while sobbing about the state of the world.

[Washington Post]