Wyoming sure seems like a nice place. Lots of open space and fresh air — and a real nice Republican Senate primary about who hates gays the very most. Sen. Mike Enzi says HE hates gays the most and Liz Cheney loooooooooooves them so much she should marry them (but not in a gay way, OBVIOUSLY), but Liz says no, she hates them too, vote for Liz!
“I am strongly pro-life and I am not pro-gay marriage,” Cheney said in a statement released by her campaign. “I believe the issue of marriage must be decided by the states, and by the people in the states, not by judges and not even by legislators, but by the people themselves.”
Awwww, that is so nice how Liz wants The PeopleTM to decide the issue of marriage, as long as they decide the right way, because she is definitely not “pro” that gay marriage shit.
(Also, please note she hates ‘bortions, so give her 11.3 Republican brownie points, which will not be nearly enough because Wyoming Republicans do not like her, which is hard to believe because she sure seems like their kind of asshole.)
Liz’s insistence that nuh uh, she so does NOT heart gay marriage wouldn’t be necessary if voters were not receiving mysterious polling questions about how she “aggressively promotes gay marriage,” but since Enzi’s team — sorry, we mean some mysterious “dirty tricks … push poll” outfit (but wait, we thought Republicans love dirty tricks push polls!) that probably has nothing whatsoever to do with Enzi’s campaign AT ALL — went there, well, Liz has no choice but to assure voters that she does TOO hate gay marriage. Which makes her a terrible person, of course, which we already knew because she is a Cheney, after all, but it also makes her a real cunt of a sister, considering her own sister is gay married — to a gay lady! Because seriously, what kind of horrible, evil, do-not-pass-GO-do-not-collect-$200-just-burn-directly-in-HELL person are you if you are running for office on a platform of being NOT pro your own sister’s marriage?
Oh, that’s right. She’s a Cheney. Duh.
By Kaili Joy Gray