BLIZZARDMAGGEDON ’11 has officially come and gone, and holy crap, people, we’re still alive! That sucker would’ve flattened some pioneers. Remember in The Long Winter when Pa had to dig a man-sized tunnel to the barn so he could feed the animals? And when they finally had a road cleared to town, they had to stop the wagon every few feet and defrost the horses’ nostrils? Thank goodness those days are over and now all we can do is marvel at the efficiency of our snow-removal crew. I, for one, was impressed. City of Iowa City: Nicely done.
So we survived, and what did we learn?
- Make sure you have a shovel. ACE Hardware was sold out of anything that didn’t weigh 300 pounds and wasn’t a spade. (Seriously, the woman at the store tried to sell me a freaking spade.) What kind of a goober doesn’t own a shovel in Iowa? This kind, that’s what. And all those other jackholes that bought up all of the snow shovels at ACE.
- Be nice to drunk people walking down alleys. They might actually be very kind, strong college boys willing to push out your woefully stuck car. They may not even laugh when it’s obvious you backed yourself right the heck into that snowdrift.
- Have food in your house. The downtown Co-op was closed! My God, are you all okay?
- If your business is open, you are a damned hero who deserves my money. So I will happily give it to you, Masala lunch buffet.
- Your car is not broken; that is just snow in your tires. After several embarrassing phone calls, that’s a lesson I thought I was well past learning (thanks Dad). A caveat: I am from SOUTHERN Iowa. We don’t get snow like this down there. At 60mph my car was quaking and shuddering! I didn’t know snow could do that.
- A snowstorm is more fun with an apocalyptic nickname. My co-workers thought of my favorite one so far. Snowtopia: It’s the End of the World as We Snow It.
You probably learned things, too. I’d love to hear about your Blizzard 2011 experience, including, but not limited to, did you go sledding? And if so, where? And what kind of sled did you use and will you please invite me next time? I have a flask.