Business as Usual
Cabbie Vic Pasternak returns with the final episode of “Business as Usual,” a series of excerpts from his novel All the Help You Need, forthcoming from Slow Collision Press.

After the robbery of Leon Bath (cf. Ep. 6), it is revealed the cabdrivers have been targeted by a Local Drug Gang. It is also revealed that this gang has been getting robbed by an unknown third party, which is what provokes the taxi robberies. This scene immediately follows with our heroes ditching work to plot retaliation.

When we arrive to my garage, Billy gets out and lifts the roll-up door. I drive the Jeep inside, and he chains the door shut.

โ€œSo now what?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™re still working on that,โ€ Billy answers. โ€œBut we got to outfit my rig.

He opens the rear gate and takes out a maroon bomber jacket, a folded plastic sleeve and a black gear bag.

I ask whatโ€™s in the bag.

โ€œIโ€™m using this table,โ€ he says, taking over my workbench.

From inside the black bag he pulls a license plate which he replaces on the Jeep. With pride, Billy shows how the registration sticker is stuck on a magnet which he pries from the original plate and plunks on the new.

โ€œLike Leon said,โ€ says Billy, โ€œSomebodyโ€™s hitting these guys. Robbing this drug gang. And itโ€™s caused them to send shorties out to rob taxis. And why them? Who knows, donโ€™t care. But the dude thatโ€™s been hitting them is me.โ€

Billy lets that sink in before telling me he has a burning need to do something right about that. He says, โ€œI am personally responsible, you feel me. And I could use your help.โ€

My words come out dry and quiet.

โ€œSo what the fuckโ€™re we going to do?โ€

โ€œWeโ€™re going over there and getting our shit back. For all of us. We canโ€™t let anybody fuck us like that.โ€

Billy yanks out of his sweatshirt and unfolds the big plastic sleeve, which I now see is body armor. He straps in the armor and flops the maroon bomber over his shoulders. Next out of the black bag, he shows off a balaclava and ski-mask, hunting for my suggestion.

I recommend the ski mask. โ€œGo for menacing.โ€

He stuffs the mask and black gloves in his bomber pockets.

โ€œThis gear is hot and we got to split,โ€ he tells me. โ€œBut thereโ€™s something else. I need a piece.โ€

He means one of the guns out of my Liberty Collection on the mantle.

โ€œNo fucking way.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m a felon, bubba,โ€ he says. โ€œI canโ€™t keep guns in my possession, so I donโ€™t. Iโ€™d go straight to the pen if I were to be caught with one just so you know I understand what risk Iโ€™m asking you to take. But I need a piece. I canโ€™t get in there and out without one.โ€

Incredible.

โ€œHow do you rob these dudes without a pistol?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m a good sneaky-pete. I got a slingbilly and a good sap. Iโ€™ll threaten with knives if I have to. But I only hit their dudes one at a time. Thereโ€™s bound to be more up in there. Could be a lot more.โ€

โ€œGo ahead,โ€ I give in. โ€œMake somebodyโ€™s day.โ€

Billy lifts the .870 off the mantle.

โ€œI wonโ€™t shoot nobody, because Iโ€™m not even going to load it. This is only Worst Case Scenario, you feel me.โ€

โ€œAnd what if you have to shoot somebody?โ€

Billy concedes to a Just-in-Case Clause, scooping handful of buck shells into his pockets. โ€œAnd if I have to, Iโ€™ll make sure nobodyโ€™s left breathing to sue you for letting me shoot them, โ€™kay? Iโ€™ve done this a whole lot of times, and I ainโ€™t ever shot nobody.โ€

โ€œYou been collared.โ€

โ€œI been collared, because being alive and in jail was better than being out and in the ground. Think on that and trust me on this.โ€

* ย  * ย  *

Two minutes later, weโ€™re in the Jeep with the fake plates roaring across Hwy 6 into the south side. Billy feeds shells into the shotgun until its belly is full.

โ€œNo way can I go in there unloaded,โ€ he says. โ€œThere could be ten dudes up in there and all of them strapped.โ€

Billy says the stash house is up in the Coronet Apartments. His plan is to bang in through the back door.

The Coronets are joyless three-risers squatting on a big grassy plaza south of the highway, out where the city has congregated the majority of our low-income renters. Like downtown, another square mile, but this one does not gleam. Lots of cheap housing that looks good in the dark where poor folks, black and white, gather apart by the dozens. The streets need asphalt, the curbs need done.

Billy stares out at apartment blocks drifting past like it’s Paris to marvel.

He asks me: โ€œYou notice how nobody ever gets killed ’round here?โ€

โ€œPeople get killed plenty enough.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m saying that itโ€™s no gangland murders. Thereโ€™re no fools gunning kids to the bricks. And thereโ€™s nobody running the show for brothers up in prison. What that tell you?โ€

โ€œWhat do you want it to tell me?โ€

โ€œThis is Partytown U.S.A., bubba. Either Barney Fife is doing fine keeping out hardcore actors or what I think is a whole bunch of deals have been struck with the big bad wolves.โ€

We draw around the block where the backside of the Coronets looms over the neighborhood like a crown.

โ€œI need ten minutes,โ€ he says

Billy reaches in back of the Jeep and snatches a light wool blanket that he wraps around my shotgun.

โ€œLook at the clock. In exactly ten minutes, youโ€™re going to pick me up right back here. Go buy a pack of smokes, or something. But get your ass back here. ten minutes.โ€

โ€œFuck, man. You got to be careful.โ€

โ€œEasy as a cake.โ€

Billy pries the cover off the domelight and pinches out its bulb, slips it in the ashtray. โ€œSlow up here but donโ€™t stop.โ€

Then he falls out running, cuts between cars, disappears across the grass among the houses.

The door swings closed as I drive off.

Soon as heโ€™s gone, I realize I might as well be at work. At least Iโ€™d be getting paid. Ten years Iโ€™ve been a cab driver, ten years a man of routine tasks odd and dangerous, stupid and unlawful.

T-minus nine minutes, 40 seconds to the ‘whatโ€™s next,’ and it cannot come soon enough.

Vic Pasternak has been driving a taxi in Illinois City, Ohio, for over a decade, ruining his chances for a solid career and shortening his lifespan. He enjoys fishing, preying, chainsawing and long walks alone.

This article originally appeared in Little Village issue 169.

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