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Boozehound Reviews: UV Sugar Crush


It turns out that UV Sugar Crush isn't so sweet. -- photo by Rool Paap
It turns out that UV Sugar Crush isn’t so sweet. — photo by Rool Paap

I’m not old enough to remember when Happy Days was actually on television, but I’ve watched enough television and read enough stuff on the internet to know that after the episode where The Fonz jumped over the shark, the show is generally thought to have, well, sucked.

And with their new Sugar Crush vodka, UV has finally reached that point and officially ‘jumped the shark.’ Why do I think that? Well, first of all, it’s tropical fruit candy-flavored vodka — because when you drink vodka, you want it to smell and taste like an exotic Jolly Rancher flavor from your misspent youth.

Which bring us to point two: apparently, UV developed this vodka in response to “the rise in Millennial nostalgia, as seen through the surge in retro candies, throwback Thursday posts and all things ’90s.” They also seem convinced that this will be “the only vodka that brings Millennials back to the neon-filled days of the ’90s.” Call me crazy, but having lived through the ’90s, I don’t really recall them being all that neon-filled or awash with tropical fruit flavored candy, but for the sake of argument, let’s just say ‘okay’ and give it a taste.

Color: Once again, UV disappoints by presenting Sugar Crush in a bottle that’s a lurid shade of neon purple while leaving the vodka crystal clear. That’s somewhat disappointing — it would be a lot more interesting if the color of the vodka matched the bottle.

Aroma: There’s something slightly unpleasant about the smell. While smelling exactly like you’d expect to smell (of tropical fruit flavored candies), there’s an odor that brings to mind the sweaty social anxiety and terror of your junior high homecoming dance. Ahh, hormones and fear — smell the ’90s nostalgia!

Taste: To be honest, there’s nothing that redeeming about the taste. There’s not that much evidence that you’re even drinking vodka to be honest about it. It’s like a Tropical Fruit Flavored Jolly Rancher-like candy just took up residence in your mouth — except it’s alcoholic, which I guess is supposed to be a bonus?

The Mixmaster: UV Vodka recommends something called the UV Sugar Chill which is one part UV Sugar Crush Vodka and 3 parts lemon-lime soda. I used Diet Squirt instead. What resulted was… bland.

Overall: At this point, I’m becoming increasingly convinced that product development at UV Vodka consists of four or five people in a room pulling flavors out of a hat. Just because you’ve thought of a flavor doesn’t mean it needs to made into vodka. Stop the madness, I implore you!

Grade: D

 


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