LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When Jimmy Fallon was a senior in high school, he received a weird graduation gift: a troll doll, one of those plastic figurines with frizzy, brightly colored hair. Around the same time, his mother urged him to enter an upcoming comedy contest at a nearby club. Jimmy decided that would be fun. He worked up a routine in which he imitated various celebrities auditioning to become a spokesperson for troll dolls. With the doll by his side, he won the contest, launching his career as a comedian. I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life: an odd blessing or unexpected gift that inspires you to express one of your talents on a higher level.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Dear So-Called Astrologer: Your horoscopes are worse than useless. Mostly they are crammed with philosophical and poetic crap that doesn’t apply to my daily life. Please cut way back on the fancy metaphors. Just let me know if there is money or love or trouble coming my way — like what regular horoscopes say! -Skeptical Scorpio.” Dear Skeptical: In my astrological opinion, you and your fellow Scorpios will soon feel the kind of pressure you just directed at me. People will ask you to be different from what you actually are. My advice? Do not acquiesce to them.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Tomatoes are a staple of Italian cuisine now, but there weren’t any tomatoes in Europe until the 16th century, when Spanish explorers brought them from Central and South America. Likewise, Malaysia has become a major producer of rubber, but it had no rubber trees until seeds were smuggled out of Brazil in the 19th century. And bananas are currently a major crop in Ecuador thanks to 16th-century Portuguese sailors, who transported them from West Africa. I foresee the possibility of comparable cross-fertilizations happening for you in the coming months, Sagittarius. Do you have your eye on any remote resources you’d like to bring back home?
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Years ago, you experienced an event that was so overwhelming you could not fully deal with it, let alone understand it. All this time it has been simmering and smoldering in the depths of your unconscious mind, emitting ghostly steam and smoke even as it has remained difficult for you to integrate. But I predict that will change in the coming months. You will finally find a way to bring it into your conscious awareness and explore it with courage and grace. Of course it will be scary for you to do so. But I assure you that the fear is a residue from your old confusion, not a sign of real danger. To achieve maximum liberation, begin your quest soon.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): This is prime time to do things that aren’t exactly easy and relaxing, but that on the other hand aren’t actually painful. Examples: Extend peace offerings to adversaries. Seek reconciliation with valuable resources from which you have been separated and potential allies from whom you have become alienated. Try out new games you would eventually like to be good at, but aren’t yet. Get a better read on interesting people you don’t understand very well. Catch my drift, Aquarius? For now, at least, leaving your comfort zone is likely to be invigorating, not arduous.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Your oracle is built around the epigrams of conceptual artist Jenny Holzer. From her hundreds of pithy quotes, I have selected six that offer the exact wisdom you need most right now. Your job is to weave them all together into a symphonic whole. 1. “It’s crucial to have an active fantasy life.” 2. “Ensure that your life stays in flux.” 3. “I have every kind of thought, and that is no embarrassment.” 4. “Animalism is perfectly healthy.” 5. “Finding extreme pleasure will make you a better person if you’re careful about what thrills you.” 6. “Listen when your body talks.”
ARIES (March 21-April 19): As I hike through the wilderness at dusk, the crickets always seem to be humming in the distance. No matter where I go, their sound is farther off, never right up close to me. How can that be? Do they move away from me as I approach? I doubt it. I sense no leaping insects in the underbrush. Here’s how this pertains to you: My relationship with the crickets’ song is similar to a certain mystery in your life. There’s an experience that calls to you but forever seems just out of reach. You think you’re drawing nearer, about to touch it and be in its midst, but it inevitably eludes you. Now here’s the good news: A change is coming for you. It will be like what would happen if I suddenly found myself intimately surrounded by hundreds of chirping crickets.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In three years, you will comprehend truths about yourself and your life that you don’t have the capacity to grasp now. By then, past events that have been confusing to you will make sense. You’ll know what their purpose was and why they occurred. Can you wait that long? If you’d rather not, I have an idea: Do a meditation in which you visualize yourself as you will be three years from today. Imagine asking your future self to tell you what he or she has discovered. The revelations may take a while to start rolling in, but I predict that a whole series of insights will have arrived by October 15.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The journey that awaits you is succinct but epic. It will last a relatively short time but take months to fully understand. You may feel natural and ordinary as you go through it, even as you are being rather heroic. Prepare as best as you can, but keep in mind that no amount of preparation will get you completely ready for the spontaneous moves you’ll be called on to perform. Don’t be nervous! I bet you will receive help from an unexpected source. Feelings of deja-vu may crop up and provide a sense of familiarity — even though none of what occurs will have any precedents.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the wild, very few oysters produce pearls — about one in every 10,000. Most commercial pearls come from farmed oysters whose pearls have been induced by human intervention. As you might expect, the natural jewel is regarded as far more precious. Let’s use these facts as metaphors while we speculate about your fate in the next eight months. I believe you will acquire or generate a beautiful new source of value for yourself. There’s a small chance you will stumble upon a treasure equivalent to the wild pearl. But I suggest you take the more secure route: working hard to create a treasure that’s like a cultivated pearl.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In June 2012, a U.S. Senator introduced a bill that would require all members of Congress to actually read or listen to a reading of any bill before they voted on it. The proposal has been in limbo ever since, and it’s unlikely it will ever be treated seriously. This is confusing to me. Shouldn’t it be a fundamental requirement that all lawmakers know what’s in the laws they pass? Don’t make a similar error, Leo. Understand exactly what you are getting into, whether it’s a new agreement, an interesting invitation, or a tempting opportunity. Be thoroughly informed.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Oliver Evans (1755-1819) was a prolific Virgo inventor who came up with brilliant ideas for steam engines, urban gas lighting, refrigeration, and automated machines. He made a radical prediction: “The time will come when people will travel in stages moved by steam engines, almost as fast as birds fly, 15 or 20 miles an hour.” We may be surprised that a visionary innovator like Evans dramatically minimized the future’s possibilities. In the same way, I suspect that later in your life, you might laugh at how much you are underestimating your potentials right now. In telling you this, I’m hoping you will stop underestimating.