Catch up on episodes one, two, three and four.
The Real Housewives of Johnson County, this week’s challenge, was a non-scripted, Bravo-inspired live cast reunion for a season of TV that didn’t actually happen. It was, of course, hosted by Lil Kimmy Blaque in the role of one “Candy” Cohen.
The challenge: Yes and…
For the challenge, each of the top six came up with a character: Sandy (Virgo Frost-Belle) a jaded divorcee; Tynnyfer (Muuvie Premiere) a young, new member of the cast; Misty (Frisbee Jenkins) a bagelry owner turned porn star; Reba (Erotica Divine-Belle) a popstar sellout and sister to Ruth Clemintine (Ruth Lime), the infamous plastic surgeon. Finally, there was Cher (Sonny Noble), a ghost.
Improv challenges, in my opinion, set up everybody for failure — I mean, it’s the hardest form of comedy. If that wasn’t enough, seasoned Studio 13 fans know there are only two working microphones in the whole joint, and even then, they require some faith, trust and pixie dust to stay working. So not only do the contestants have to be funny and in character, they are responsible for passing the mic like a talking stick, not talking too much or too little.
Luckily, these are some funny people. Five performers dressed in their luxury housewives-best sat on stools semicircled about Candy Cohen.
“You may be wondering why there are only five cast members here,” Candy (Kimmy) began. “It’s because one of them died.” Crickets. Candy continued nevertheless. “But Sandy is going to bring her back for the night — take it away.”
Sandy (Virgo) takes the cue, jumping off the stool and standing wide legged, beginning to summon the late Cher with a ritual-y chant turned deep-voiced country-twanged Josh Turner lyric, “Baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low.” Cher (Sonny) walks through the door and takes his seat, the dramatic music playing after he sits down instead of during his entrance, but it’s still a pretty good bit.
Everyone has a few good bits, actually. Tynnyfer (Muuvie) gets the first couple of questions and is fiery out of the gate, flinging accusations with finger points all around the circle. My only thing is, I’m not sure why everyone has a Southern accent — I live in Johnson County and haven’t discovered one in the wild yet, but no worries. Silly voices are like liquid courage, I get it.
Anyway, Tynnyfer (Muuvie) immediately began unfurling the tale of her path to fame, stealing Sandy’s (Virgo) husband in the pursuit. Sandy yells from the mic, “How can you be a feminist if you steal husbands?” and Tynnyfer quickly responds, “As a feminist I believe women can sleep with whoever they want,” which I laughed at pretty hard.
Misty (Frisbee) smartly enters with a bodyguard, as the first fight breaks out between her and Sandy (Virgo) in the first seven minutes of the challenge. It made for good not-TV; yelling over each other became a bit unto itself. Misty’s bodyguard separated the two with serious silence and stiff arms.
Reba and Ruth had a similarly funny dynamic. They played up the “twins” thing by quoting the theme song to bygone ’90s sitcom Sister, Sister and defending one another from the other castmates. Reba was a devoutly religious character, shunning folks for their sinfulness. “Where is your moral compass?” she quipped, “Pointing south towards the gates of hell!” Though she had some of the best one-liners, Erotica did fall into a habit of holding onto the mic, probably unconsciously, misbalancing the sketch a bit. If she had held back a little, her jokes would have been stronger.
Ruth Lime’s ongoing bit about her plastic surgery clinic Ruthalyn had my friends cracking up. She was decked in full leopard print with Divine-style makeup, denying accusations of medical malpractice from (the ghost of) Cher.
As the show came to an end in the frenzy of yet another fight, Misty’s (Frisbee) giant, billowing blonde wig was thrown to the ground, leaving two little pigtails sticking straight up from her forehead. Ruth then grabbed Sandy’s (Virgo) wig and threw it to the ground, revealing her beautiful curly mullet underneath, which she takes a moment to fluff up, not skipping a beat. From the sidelines, former guest judge Paris Jackson Beverly Hillz grabs the discarded wig and puts it on herself. Demonstrating the domino effect of de-wigging, Cher (Sonny) took off his own in a huff.
“Why’d you take off your wig?” a castmate asks.
“Because I’m tired of feeling left out!”
Ruth takes a mic and looks around suspiciously, lowering her voice.
“I’m not sure if this is because of the pills I took before filming but… why is the mic floating? And who are you all talking to?”
I genuinely think this was funnier than any of the scripted dramas on RuPaul’s Drag Race, though that isn’t saying much in my opinion. It was hard to see anyone as a huge stand-out because everyone worked together to make this really insane 40-minute nightmare a reality.
The runway: Dynasty, bitch
The runway matched the vibe of the challenge: Dynasty. Explained by Lil Kimmy Blaque as “’80s rich,” everyone took it pretty literally, looking like the Upper East Side circa 1983. (Except for last week’s cut contestant, Valencia Del La Barrio, who, true to her word, stood out in the crowd in what would have been her runway look: a regal, blue Marie Antoinette. Pretty iconic.)
Virgo Frost wore a tight brown leather skirt and low-cut leopard print blazer with what series judge Myla Jade referred to as a “Lego wig,” a solid piece of sculpted blonde that wouldn’t have moved if a tornado swept through.
“I want this wig so bad.”
“We’ll talk prices later depending on what happens tonight.”
Frisbee Jenkins wore an homage to Bette Midler in Big Business: a red dress with mid-length sleeves, a large flat hat and a polka dot scarf that covered her head but betrayed a cute Audrey Hepburn bang.
Guest judge Daphne Danger, winner of the first Star Search as well as my current drag crush (and would be yours, too, if you saw her Charlie XCX number) jokingly started the critique. “Hi Frisbee! You’re going home tonight, sweetie.”
The swell of laughter that erupted from the small crowd showed, I think, just how well Frisbee has been doing in this competition so far. This round especially, the judges really only had good things to say.
Muuvie Premiere had one of my favorite runways of the night. Looking straight out of the “San Junipero” episode of Black Mirror, she wore a tight black dress with fishnets, rocked the ’80s fringe mullet, pinched a tiny bag between two fingers, and draped herself in a purple, blue and pink striped metallic coat.
Muuvie’s critiques were also really great. The only thing negative was that they wanted more of her.
Judge Kimmy called Ruth Lime’s look “John Waters does the ’80s,” and I could see it. Under a tall, luscious black wig were heavy shoulder pads, a yellow and white polka dot dress with ’60s go-go flair (boots included), a big white belt and a Deal or No Deal-type bag literally spilling with $100 bills.
Ruth was praised for saying what she needed to say even without a mic. I have no idea how Ruth could project over amplified voices to the entire bar, but she did it with ease.
Sonny Noble wore a stoned pinstripe jacket with non-stoned pinstripe pants, which sounds like a read but I actually didn’t mind. I loved the white turtleneck he wore underneath and tried not to hate the black fedora. (Side note: What is it with drag kings and little hats? That’s a later exposé.)
Myla had a good take on Sonny’s performance. “I could tell you enjoyed being there because you were like — I love watching this.” The other judges agreed, Daphne adding, “You were just watching a show and so was I, so we were connected like that, but unfortunately I had a score sheet.” Sonny laughed with everyone, and seemed understanding.
Lastly, Erotica wore an expensive-looking red dress with a matching clutch and fur-lined poncho, the red only broken up by black pumps. The judges were fans of the outfit, Kimmy Blaque notably drawing a comparison to “the rich Black bitches of New York who are running shit.” Erotica’s critiques were also mild, but she did have the drawback of “mic hogging.”
The tops are announced as Muuvie and Frisbee. I was happy to see Muuvie in a top spot this week. Virgo and Ruth were safe, leaving the bottom as Sonny and Erotica, and the crowd baffled.
“I was laughing because this is funny to me,” Erotica said, taking her place next to Sonny.
Paris Jackson Beverly Hillz took the mic to buy time before the final lip sync, looking shocked.
“I get it, you’re gagged,” Myla said.
“Yeah, well, I’m gagged. Let’s talk about it. What happened?”
Myla explained the sharing-of-the-mic thing again but admitted, “I’m gagged, too!”
“When those scores came out I said everybody’s gonna hate us,” Kimmy added.
Though it’s a close call, Frisbee wins the lip sync. Muuvie smiles amicably and leaves the stage, still relishing in her top spot.
When Erotica and Sonny come back to the stage Sonny seems serious, but in okay spirits. Erotica looks crushed.
I wonder if it’s a reference I don’t know (not a Marvel girl), but when Frisbee comes to the stage she recites Scarlet Witch’s monologue from Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, ending with the line, “This is me being reasonable,” while reaching into her pocket and revealing Sonny’s name written on the lipstick.
It would’ve been “smarter” or more strategic to knock out Erotica, whose track record prior to this week has been on an upward trajectory. But would that be worth upsetting the fans? I guess not for Frisbee. Even with the save, Erotica looks like a kicked puppy, big-eyed and heartbroken on her stool.
Next week’s challenge is the Dragula Ball! The final five contestants will present three looks inspired by these three categories: Glamour, Horror and Fifth. It’s a great way to kick off October. Let’s get gory.
