Little Big Screen: ‘The Funhouse’ and other superlatively spooky movies to stream in October

Still from The Funhouse. — courtesy of Universal Pictures

I disagree with the anti-mischief spirit of the tradition, but Beggars’ Night deserves to live forever as a decent piece of Des Moines trivia. That said, the present and future of the Halloween season both here and everywhere is Spooktober. With 31 days on the calendar, you’ve got 31 nights to watch scary movies. To make sure you’re only streaming full-size treats, Little Big Screen is handing out Spooktober Superlatives.

The Funhouse (1981)

Directed by Tobe Hooper

Spookiest Cornfed-Killer Fodder: A classic slasher set in Iowa — and shot on a back-lot in Miami? — from the director who brought you The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. With nothing better to do one night, a gang of supposedly cornfed teens go on a double date to the carnival. The Hanna-Barbera hues of the (mostly) single location make the hangout happening in the middle of The Funhouse feel like an episode of Scooby-Doo. Between drags of a doobie-doo, the teens meet and gawk at freaks, including a couple of National Enquirer cows bred, born and raised in this here state. If you, like me, are an empath, then you’ll surely understand how the treatment of these cattle might drive one to slaughter.

Stream it on Peacock.

Orphan (2009)

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

Spookiest First Day of School Outfit: Not only inspired by true events but also the inspiration for true events: “The movie Orphan is exactly what happened,” claimed an Indiana woman who was featured in a recent docuseries for abandoning her adopted daughter. I’m being vague on account of spoilers, but the crimes (and kills) in Orphan are even trashier than the DailyMail headlines, if you can believe it. The film has almost too much fun in staging acts of pint-sized terrorism, and in the process, coming up with a cinema of child endangerment. The gag of seeing a little girl named Esther — all-time child actor stuff from Isabelle Fuhrman — wreak havoc in full Victorian garb never gets old.

Stream it on Paramount+.

Lisa (1990)

Directed by Gary Sherman

Spookiest Sorta Disney Channel Original Movie: The term “Spooktober” maybe, possibly originated as millennials, more and more removed from the mid-aughts, started to misremember the name of Disney Channel’s “Hauntober” movie marathons. Lisa — no, not an actual Disney Channel Original Movie — shares the straight-to-cable look and broad made-for-kids beats. Except it’s way meaner. You’ll totally buy the family drama between the single mom and teen daughter who’ve reached the pure annoyance phase of only having each other. Maybe the threat of a PG-13 Patrick Bateman will help bring them together?

Stream it on Tubi.

The Empty Man (2020)

Directed by David Prior

Spookiest Bridge in Missouri: The second time I watched Donnie Darko was, at most, five minutes after I finished my first. It’s difficult to find the feelings and/or time for a back-to-back like that any later in life than middle school, but The Empty Man had me losing sleep to see it again, like, right away. If you haven’t heard of this Creepypasta procedural about an ex-cop consumed by the search for a missing girl in Missouri, that’s because the studio didn’t bother to cut a trailer for it until October 16, 2020 — exactly seven days before its doomed release date in the dead of the pandemic. Thankfully, The Empty Man has earned a cult following on streaming.

Stream it on Hulu.

The Brood (1979)

Directed by David Cronenberg

Spookiest Custody Agreement: Most divorce movies aren’t messy enough. The Brood, conceived by David Cronenberg during his own divorce and custody battle, isn’t afraid to get angry, ugly and ooey-gooey. The nastiness first manifests as monsters, no more than four feet tall, notably lacking navels. When a pair of these little terrors bludgeons a teacher in front of her classroom, the collateral damage can be heard screaming. (Birthed trauma births trauma, as they say.) Later on in the big fight — Mom vs. Dad — the nastiness is rendered with heft and slop, so it can be seen splattered on their daughter’s blank face. But even when the body horror isn’t happening, the thin membrane that separates allegory from autobiography in The Brood will make you squirm.

Stream it on Max.

Communion (1989)

Directed by Philippe Mora

Spookiest Missed Connections: “A True Story” was already stated nice and big on the cover of Communion, but then the highest authority chimed in. Whitley Strieber’s memoir about being abducted by aliens made the New York Times Best Seller list — as a work of nonfiction.

The film adaptation, also about and written by Strieber, has a handful of lucid moments: Christopher Walken, as the on-screen Strieber, in a stupid hat; the sear of a kitchen jump scare; yet another encounter with Eric Clapton’s tractor-beam theme. The best moments though are ones just out of reach, full of foggy logic, knowing but not understanding. Its offbeat beauty might lie in the eye of the beholder, but I believe Communion to be true cinema. Or something.

Stream it on Peacock.