Advertisement

Brock About Town: Anxiety


Illustration by Lev Cantoral

As a comedian, I try to stay up to date on the latest trends and issues. If I’m going to make people laugh, I need to know what they care about (and, more importantly, what they hate. When the fickle tide of public opinion turns against someone or something, from a celebrity accused of sexual misconduct to those tiny ’90s sunglasses people were wearing for a while, comedians are the sharks circling below.)

Unfortunately, as a person, I am terrible at knowing what’s going on. At any given moment, I’m at best 25 percent in actual, physical reality. I cannot name a single movie that’s out right now. I know there’s nothing more irritating than someone who’s proud of their utter self-absorption, and I’m not. I’m just way too lazy to do anything about it.

That said, I’m very excited to get in on the latest hot trend sweeping the nation: anxiety. Actually, not to sound like a hipster, but I’m glad the rest of you are getting in on it with me. All my life I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I have a cough, it’s cancer. If I start dating a great guy, he secretly finds me repellent and just can’t find a good way to tell me. If something’s good, no it’s not. This used to be considered a bad thing. People would tell me I was “cynical” or “a good candidate for therapy.”

Now, all that’s considered more or less normal. My mother called me last week, asking if I knew where she could buy surgical masks, because she’s worried about getting coronavirus. On Caucus Night, people I went to high school with, who couldn’t have named three world leaders then, posted pictures from their caucus locations with captions like, “Just doing my part to repair our hobbled democracy.” I know a woman who has a Google alert for “global warming.” Can you even imagine? I sure am glad to be so well-adjusted. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Sephora. I had to get rid of most of my makeup, because it all had parabens in it. They’re the silent killer, you know.

This article was originally published in Little Village issue 279.


Thoughts? Tips? A cute picture of a dog? Share them with LV » editor@littlevillagemag.com

Advertisement

Summer Programs 2020

Get 150+ local restaurants delivered to your door in the Iowa City & Cedar Rapids areas!

The Future is Unwritten

You look to Little Village for today’s stories. Your sustaining support will help us write tomorrow’s.

Regular

$10/mo or $120/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
The cost of doing this work really adds up! Your contribution at this level will cover telephone and internet expenses for one month at the LV editorial offices.

Italic

$20/mo or $240/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
$240 is enough to cover one month’s costs for sending out our weekly entertainment newsletter, The Weekender. Make a contribution at this level to put a little more oomph on your support and your weekend.

Bold

$30/mo or $360/year
(AUTO-RENEW)
LittleVillageMag.com connects eastern Iowa culture with the world. Your contribution at this level will cover the site’s hosting costs for three months. A bold move for our boldest supporters!

All monthly and annual contributors receive:

  • Recognition on our Supporters page (aliases welcome)
  • Exclusive early access when we release new half-price gift cards
  • Access to a secret Facebook group where you can connect with other supporters and discuss the latest news and upcoming events (and maybe swap pet pics?) with the LV staff
  • Invitations to periodic publisher chats (held virtually for now) to meet with Matt and give him a piece of your mind, ask your burning questions and hear more about the future plans for Little Village, Bread & Butter Magazine, Witching Hour Festival and our other endeavors.