Advertisement

Subscribe
to the
Weekender

Advertisement

Hot Tin Roof: Public Service Announcement

Hot Tin Roof

Hot Tin Roof

Hot Tin Roof

By Genevieve Arlie

Underwires: you’re
wearing them wrong!
You’re wearing the wrong
size the wrong way. For starters,
the band, not the straps, provides
primary support. For second, as any
mammographer knows, your breast tissue
extends halfway under your armpit, and as
the nice lady at La Petite Coquette in Union
Square will tell you, all that should be in your bra.
Grab the underwire under your arm with your near-
est hand while, with the other inside the cup (“May
I?”), pull your breast forward (NOT up!) and then (la
coup de grâce
) tug gently on the outer cup edge to
situate. “And you’re in,” she affirms. “Your tits
should salute.” Well, hello there. A swell of
cleavage where never there was. I’m holst-
ered and ready to battle the city streets.
(If you’re now spilling out, go up a
cup size.) But rather than flaunt
my rank among the select few
with salutatory boobs, I here-
by bequeath this sacred
knowledge to you. And for
the record, underwires do
not cause breast cancer.

A California native via New York and Paris, Genevieve Arlie will soon leave Iowa City for Athens, Georgia, where she intends to live exclusively on chocolate bourbon pecan pie. This article was originally published in Little Village issue 221.


Add a comment

*Please complete all fields correctly

BUY HALF-PRICE GIFT CARDS

WHAT TO READ NEXT

Posted by emmalittlevillagemag-com
In the course of two years, teenager Daje Shelton is placed in an alternative high school, attends the funerals of friends shot in the streets of North St. Louis, falls...
Posted by promotions
I think I’m a big color freak because I’m a painter. I just love color. I have this beautiful cardigan that wasn’t even for sale. I got it in Des...
Posted by emmalittlevillagemag-com
North Liberty celebrates Iowans' least favorite time of year with a festival's-worth of physical, social and family-friendly events, including its first ice rink. Pre-registration begins Monday, Nov. 20.