Questions about love and sex in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org (queries can also be sent anonymously using this form). Questions may be edited for clarity and length, and may appear either in print or online.
My girlfriend is loud — so loud that I’m embarrassed to see my neighbors in the morning. We have a thin-walled apartment, and while I try to be a considerate neighbor, she just lets it rip every time we get busy.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy her enthusiasm! The neighbors are starting to retaliate with drums and the Ramones, and we got our window egged one night.
She lives with her homophobic family, so really my place is only option for intimacy.
What can I do?
Sincerely, Lip Biter
Dear Lip Biter,
Ah yes, the noisy sex conundrum. It’s fantastic that your girlfriend is so enthusiastic; it must be pretty freeing to be in a safe space for her to express her sexuality. I would normally say, “Who cares who hears” since you’re in the privacy of your own place, but now that you are getting egged and hearing “I Wanna Be Sedated” blasted on repeat, you should talk to your neighbors. How you do so will depend on your pre-existing relationship with them.
As long as they’re not homophobic, the discussion could be pretty simple, “My girlfriend is loud, so blare whatever music you want if bothered, but no more egging.”
Regardless of who is living next door, you two don’t need to apologize. People who choose to live in apartments must be willing to tolerate the noise of neighbors (within reason).
— xoxo, Kiki
This article was originally published in Little Village issue 232.